Love Letter to My Loser | Kim Taehyung [ONGOING]

Chapter 15

"What the hell were you thinking?"

My dad massaged his temples. "Exactly how difficult was it to just show up?" He exhaled deeply. "I was hoping we'd make a good impression as a family." I scoffed in my head. Family? That's hilarious. "It's like I don't even have a daughter anymore.", he continued. "You don't speak to me... You always argue with your mom and Yunho... Is something wrong?"

The last thing I wanted was to talk about my feelings. Truthfully, I wanted to scream about how left out I felt. I wanted to cry and tell my dad I missed our old lives- the time when I wasn't neglected. But I didn't. I just wasn't ready to be vulnerable and confront the issue.

Maybe it was the genuine concern on my dad's face that created some distance. I couldn't remember the last time he and I talked one on one like this. I just looked away to hide how awkward I felt. "I'm not in the mood to talk about it.", I said.

My dad leaned back in his chair. "If your mom were here maybe you wouldn't be so out of control." His words cut deeper than they should have. "Don't bring mom into our problems.", I snapped. "Maybe if you paid more attention to my needs I wouldn't despise this family so much."

"You despise us?" My dad furrowed his eyebrows and I did the same. "We gave you everything!", he yelled. I clenched my fists. "Mom gave me everything. You did too at one point...", I replied. My voice began trembling. "You didn't show up to my 19th birthday...You go traveling with Yunho and that bitch all the time...", I continued. "You're forcing me to marry a random guy... You're so selfish. All of you."

I glared at my dad. "I hate my life.", I said with anger. "And I hate this family." I expected a response but nothing. No apology. No yelling. Nothing. So I continued.

"Siam and I decided we're not going through with the marriage.", I said.  "And I don't care about your company or this family. Just worry about Yunho from now on."

I decided then I didn't want anything to do with my family. I held in every emotion before turning to leave. My dad sat in silence even after I exited the room.

_____

"Did you understand it this time?"

Taehyung snapped in my face and I broke from my blank daze. "Zoning out again?" I slouched in my chair and groaned. "We've been looking at numbers too long.", I said yawning. "Can I just close my eyes for a few minutes?" Taehyung closed the textbook and turned his chair toward me.

"What's it going to take for you to focus?" I shrugged and Taehyung sighed. "...Do you think fresh air would help?" I peered put the window and thought for a moment. Maybe the light afternoon breeze would wake up my brain cells or something.

I agreed to going for a walk but Taehyung had another idea. We stopped by a nearby park and he picked a spot by a large tree. He opened his backpack and pulled out a picnic blanket. "Where did you get that?", I asked surprised. Taehyung chuckled as he unraveled it.

"I asked Lena if she had one.", he said. "And amazingly, she did." He smoothed out the blanket and sat leaning against the tree. He pulled out the math textbook and I sighed. "So your plan was to do math outside?" Taehyung nodded I reluctantly sat beside him.

"I was hoping to get energized by a walk... not bore myself to sleep." I yawned again before looking at the problem Taehyung pointed to. "Okay how about this.", he said. "For every problem you solve, you can close your eyes for two minutes."

"Deal.", I said picking up my pencil. I tried my absolute best and finished in no time. I leaned against the tree and closed my eyes. Taehyung moved the textbook off to the side. "I keep forgetting incentives work.", he said. "Why are you so tired anyways?"

"Just stressed."

"Family again?"

"...Yup. Nothing new."

Taehyung sighed. "You know if you ever need a break, my parents are more than happy with you staying over." I opened my eyes and looked at him. "Would they be happy?", I asked. "Would you be happy?" Taehyung chuckled. "I know I gave you a hard time before and I'm sorry.", he replied. "...I just wasn't used to having a girl over." I met his eyes.

"It's not like I would've tried anything..."

"I wasn't worried about that."

"Then what?"

"It's just surreal that I have a close friend now."

I looked away and my heart stung a little. Friends. "Yeah...", I said closing my eyes again. "Friends." I turned my head to the side hoping to avoid the sun. "Do you want to switch places?", asked Taehyung.

I was already on the brink of falling asleep so I didn't answer. I felt Taehyung's shoulder on mine and peeled my eyes open. "...What are you doing?, I asked.

"I'm offering my shoulder for you to sleep on.", he said. My cheeks grew red and stared at him in silence. "What?", he asked. "Am I doing something wrong?" I appreciated Taehyung's nice gestures but this one upset me for some reason.

"You're not doing anything wrong.", I said. "I just..." I had trouble even finding the words. Shouldn't he be offering a shoulder to Miyeon instead? I felt guilty for enjoying the moment. There was no reason for me to be happy about spending time with Taehyung like this. He's supposed to be with Miyeon.

What's wrong?", he asked looking concerned.

My chest grew tight. "Look I appreciate you being my friend but I feel like you've been treating me too well." Taehyung looked at me confused. "Too well?", he asked. "I didn't even realize that was a problem."

"Not that's it's a bad thing.", I said. "I just... I can't deal with it." Ugh. I was extremely bad with my word choice and Taehyung frowned in response. Rightfully so. "You can't deal with me being nice to you?", he asked. "Do you even hear yourself right now?"

"Just rest your head on my shoulder.", he continued. "You definitely need it."

He doesn't get it. I had my chance to be vulnerable but once I again I chose to run away from it. "I'm okay, I promise.", I said picking up the textbook. "I'm not even sleepy anymore."