What Comes After The Rain

WCATR 9: Full and Empty

CHAPTER 9 - FULL AND EMPTY

I never liked the idea of happiness. Because to me, it seemed as if every time I was having a good time, something horrible would happen. I've always disliked the concept of it, for I don't believe I deserve to be happy.

Kagaya na lang ngayon. We were so loud as we entered the bookstore near the hotel where we checked in. It was Ciqa's idea to cheer Ynigo. Kaya naman hawak niya ang balikat nito sa likod at tulak-tulak habang papasok. At the same time, the look on Vash's face was radiant as soon as she walked in. Both she and Florissa went straight to the part where there was a lot of stationery. Nash casually walked in while I was following him at the back.

I was surrounded by these good people, and I kept questioning, do I deserve them? Because I don't think I do. I am alright now, but what comes after? Hanggang kailan sila nasa tabi ko?

It was always a battle of guilt. Do I deserve to have friends when I failed to be one for Jace?

I shake off the thought before it consumes me. I walked through the bookstore, and the familiar smell of old books welcomed me. The bookstore had an antique architectural design. Windows with thin black frames lined the building. Rusted black iron gates were left open to let people in. No one else was there except us.

Each wall had a different color pattern of geometric shapes painted on it. On my left was a cashier reading an old book on her desk. The other side had a lot of magazines that were piled high and ready to be read. My eyes are drawn to different sections, but I choose to go to the literary section.

I've always wanted to be a poet since I was a kid. It amazed me how they could give a taste to a bitter coffee. I soon realized that I was glad to be a journalist because no two writers are alike. They are just like a Kintsugi vase. Each vase has its own unique flaws, but they all stand out. Different emotions to portray and different stories to tell.

Lumapit ako sa shelf at inabot ang isang aklat na nakapukaw ng attention ko. 'All of Her Colors' was the title of the book. The book's cover piqued my interest. It depicted a woman in a colorful long dress beneath a blue sky. I couldn't stop staring at it because of how it was painted; it made me feel so many different emotions.

"Nabasa mo na 'yan?" nilingon ko ang nagsalita.

Halos hindi ko napansin na nasa tabi ko si Nash dahil sa pagkamangha sa aklat. Umiling ako at tiningnan ang synopsis noon sa likod. It was about two stranger who agreed to spend the night together in quest of finding the real meaning of life.

"It was based on a true story," Nash said.

"Hindi ko tinatanong."

He chuckled as he took the same pair of books. "The author wrote it to find the strange girl, but based on my research, he didn't find her."

After hearing the story behind it, I looked at the book cover. Kaya siguro iba ang naramdaman ko while looking at it. I looked at the price and immediately brought it back to the shelf.

I can't afford to buy it. Sapat lang ang allowance na dala ko para sa buong trip. Hindi naman ako pumunta dito para bumili ng aklat. I just want the feeling of being surrounded by books.

"Okay na kayo?" Linapitan kami ni Vash after niyang mag check out.

Tumango lang ako dahil wala naman akong binili. Tuwang-tuwang ipinakita ni Ciqa ang binili niyang gouache paint at Canson watercolor pad para kay Ynigo.

"Ang daming magagandang designs!"

Lumapit na rin si Florissa na may malaking ngiti sa labi habang hawak ang pinamili niyang mga journal notebooks.