The Patchwork Heart

Chapter 19

After Christmas I tried and failed to find places for all the gifts Finn had received. It was a losing battle of an adored child. We didn't go anywhere for Boxing Day, sometimes there were good sales in the city but we didn't need anything that year. Mitchell wanted to have a gathering on New Years and invite some people over. I agreed, and the Leys' offered to take Finn that night so Mitchell and I wouldn't have to worry about noise with him. I invited Garrett over and Jessica as well.

While Mitchell was out getting crackers, soda and chips I made a surprise dip and a vodka punch. I was about to start a baked cheesy dip when I heard a knock on my front door. I called the person to come in, Jessica came into my foyer and took her boots off. I checked the clock on my stove and it read 3:15pm, she was very early.

"Hey Jess, I didn't expect you until closer to seven." I said. She nodded, "Yeah I know but we haven't talked much and you said you wanted to hang out so I thought I would come by early to visit with you."

I shrugged and offered her a hot chocolate. As she sipped it I continued to grate cheese into a bowl. I glanced up at her, "So, how was school last semester?"

She cautiously looked at me, "It was fine. I passed everything, but honestly I did way too much partying. I made some new friends too." I nodded, "That's nice."

I wanted to ask her if she knew about Dex and his cheating but I somehow couldn't find the words. It felt like the girl in my kitchen wasn't my best friend anymore. Instead, Jessica felt like someone I used to know. I suppose we had grown apart, it was inevitable. After the accident everyone dealt with their feelings in different ways. Jessica withdrew from all of us, except Garrett. My therapist had helped me to understand that it wasn't personal. It still stung but I tried not to take it on.

"Is Finn here?" she finally asked, perhaps just to fill the silence. I shook my head, "No, the Leys' took him for the night so we don't have to worry about noise." She nodded and looked down at her mug.

I added some cream cheese to the bowl and chopped it down with a fork, "I'm glad you are having a good time at school, Jess. It's good to have your own life, we all need to find ways to move on. I am honestly happy for you."

She looked at me and frowned, "You think I'm moving on?" I nodded, "Yeah, it's ok. We all have to move forward. It's healthy."

Jessica chuckled dryly and rolled her eyes, "So, you think you have it all figured out Bree? Little miss perfect." I frowned, "What did I do to you?"

"Nothing, sorry. I just hate being back here honestly. It brings back too many bad memories." she muttered. I nodded, "I understand. I really do."

"Stop it, Bree! Just stop being so perfect all the fucking time! It's fake ok!" she shouted at me. I took a step backward to lean against the sink. I stared back at Jessica's angry face. She was seething, I had no idea where the anger came from. I didn't say anything, I just held her eye contact.

Jessica took a deep breath, "I hate how everything is so easy for you. It always was! Little miss perfect got the guy, all the love, everything and the sympathy. I am so sick of being the sidekick! I've got news for you, your little boyfriend wasn't so perfect, he was a cheating asshole who fucked around!"

I sighed and nodded, "I know." She stared at me for a moment before she continued, "You don't know shit! Dex made sure you never found out. I'm sorry to tell you that your perfect little boyfriend was a cheater, with a lot of girls!"

"Jess, I know. I found out a while ago. You don't have to yell. I know about Tessa and her son, Elliot. I've known about it for a while. It's been hard but I've been dealing with it. I know Dex wasn't perfect, he made a lot of mistakes." I told her.

Jessica laughed out loud, "Mistakes? You think that's what they were? Dex couldn't keep it in his pants. He was a scumbag who thought he could have his cake and eat it too. He treated women like disposable diapers after he soiled them. Dex was a first class asshole."

I crossed my arms over my chest as I stared at her, "Why are you so angry, Jess? What did he do to you?" Her eyes went wide for a moment before she answered, "He promised me he was going to be with me after high school. He told me once we graduated he was going to break up with you to be with me. Dex promised me he and I would finally be able to be together, in public but then he died. He died, and you got all the attention and sympathy like some grieving widow, when it was supposed to be me! I was the one who really knew him, and he loved ME! Not YOU! Then you had that baby, and everyone loved you all the more, and felt even more sorry for you. It was all a lie!"

My throat went dry, I held my breath as her words soaked into my skin. What a mess Dex had left us all in. So many broken hearts, ruined trusts and hard feelings. Jessica had been the fifth, which explained why Garrett didn't want to tell me. She had been my best friend. Dex had promised her things which explained why she pushed me away after he died, she resented me.

"I'm sorry, Jess. I had no idea you and Dex were together." I whispered. I was hurt but so was she. I tried to breath through my own anger to focus on what I wanted to say. She didn't look at me, she just shrugged.

We stood together in my kitchen, letting the silence encircle us. I wanted to offer her comfort, but Jessica wouldn't make eye contact with me. She was treating me as though I was the enemy, I had no idea how to deal with that. She was holding on to so much anger and resentment, it seeped out of her pores. I waited for her to speak first. I focused on moving around my kitchen to prepare the cheesy dip, trying to act as normally as possible.

After a while Jessica whispered, "I'm sorry, Bree. I know it's not your fault. Dex played us all for fools. I know he just told me what I wanted to hear, but I couldn't help it. I fell for him, he had a way of disarming me. Then he died, and I had no closure. I wasn't his girlfriend, I was barely his friend. No one cared about me and how I felt, they only cared about you. It hurt so much."

I nodded, "I know, Jess. I'm sorry." She shook her head, "No, I'm sorry." We stared at each other for a moment. I offered her a small smile, Jessica returned it. I knew she had been carrying around a lot of various feelings, she had to unpack them. It had been a terrible year for everyone, and I was learning it was harder on some than others.

"I'm still here, Jess. No matter what, I'm still here." I promised her. She looked at me and shook her head, "You always have to be perfect don't you." I chuckled and nodded, I guess I did.