Trapped In Time

Chapter 8: Unanswered

Keith stared back at me with confusion, "Did something upset you?"

I rolled my eyes, "Wouldn't you know."

He tried to get closer, but I took a step back.

"When I left foster care they gave me a box of stuff that used to belong to my mom. She had this diary that I've been reading, and she mentions my great grandmother in it. I decided to call my old foster agent Bev to see what happened to her and we got into an interesting conversation about how she got the box of stuff. A man named Keith gave it to her after finding it in his hotel." I had to keep my voice from shaking, "You wanna tell me about that?"

For the first time ever, Keith looked nervous, "Macen wait, don't be so quick to turn on me!"

"WHY SHOULDN'T I? WERE YOU STALKING ME?" My eyes burned with the threat of tears.

"Of course not! I didn't know anything about you! It was a couple years ago, when I bought the hotel, I found that stuff! I hardly looked at it once I figured out who's it was. I googled Renée and it took me to your foster agency's link so I brought it in. That was all. When you came here, I had my suspicions, but I never said anything. Especially once I realized how mixed your feelings about your mom are. That's it, everything after was purely coincidental." He was giving me such a genuine look, begging for my love again.

I stared at the ground, "Really?"

He wrapped his arms around me, "Really. And it turned out to be the smartest thing I ever did."

Feeling guilty, "I'm sorry I got so suspicious. I just hate finding out I've been lied to, or haven't been told the whole truth. I thought I had no living relatives this whole time, but really they were just hidden from me."

He squeezed me tighter, "Like who?"

"My Gran, well great Gran. She's been alive this whole time, in a psychiatric hospital. I didn't even know." A tear rolled down my cheek, I couldn't help it.

Keith brushed it away. "What if we...went to visit her," he asked timidly. "Is it far?"

I shrugged, "Seven or eight hours, I'm guessing. Could we?"

He took my face in his hands and kissed me, pulling away before I wanted him to, "We'll leave tomorrow morning. I'll have a friend come watch over the hotel."

I just nodded, my head against his chest.

~~~

Bev had come through with directions to the Marx Psychiatric Hospital like she said she would. I had packed and overnight bag, left Mitten enough food, and was ready to go. Keith and I were planning on spending the night at a hotel before driving back. I slipped on a pair of leggings, a long-sleeved shirt and put on my boots. I grabbed my purse, overnight bag, a blanket, and made my way to the lobby.

Keith was waiting outside the door with the car pulled up. He gave a sweet smile as I climbed in. We started out on our trip, music quietly humming from the radio. Keith didn't say much, and I was too burned out to talk. Instead I pulled my mom's diary; I needed to finish it soon. I had been dragging it on because I didn't want to be done with it yet. If I read it all, my window into Mom's life was lost. It couldn't last forever though; I knew that.

September 29, 1995

I'm completely fucked, that's the only way to describe this. Utterly fucked. I missed my period last week, so I bought a pregnancy test just to be safe. I've missed my period before, and Angelo and I use condoms so I should be in the clear, right? WRONG. It's POSITIVE! I'm pregnant! PREGNANT! I've only been dating Angelo for like a year, and now I'm going to have his CHILD? I'm a mess; I can't stop crying. How could this happen? How did we let this happen? Is he going to leave me? Will Gran disown me? I wouldn't be surprised; I basically told her to leave me the hell alone and now I'm 19 and pregnant. How will I tell anyone? I just want to die.

The ink was smeared in some places from Mom's panicked tears. One of my own dropped onto the page. There it was, the truth. My mom said it herself; she wanted to die because of me. I couldn't help but let out a sad little noise.

Keith immediately turned to me; still managing to drive perfectly straight. "What is it?" he asked worriedly.

I quickly brushed my tears away, "Nothing it's just-I'm reading this diary. I know who my dad is."

"Really who?"

"My mom's boyfriend Angelo. He used to manage the hotel, did you know him?" Maybe he had sold the hotel to Keith.

"No, I got the hotel through the city; they didn't tell me much about the previous owner."

"Oh," I nodded. I was stupid to think Keith would've known him.

"What made you so upset?" He asked.

"It's just, you know how my mom killed herself? Well when she found out she was pregnant she was obviously not happy. She didn't want me." I stared out the window, avoiding his gaze.

He grabbed one of my hands, "Macen, everyone gets scared when they find out they're pregnant. I'm sure she changed her mind later on. She was just nervous!"

"I mean maybe," I opened the diary to read more.

October 15, 1995

It's been two weeks and I still haven't told Angelo the news; we haven't been on the best of terms lately. He's accused me of being distant, and says I'm trying to avoid him. That's not exactly untrue, but does he really want to know the reason? Doubtful. Still, I have to tell him today. I can't keep putting this off.

-

I was shocked by his reaction, he wasn't angry at all. He hardly seemed surprised, just very calm and collected. I came to him a complete wreck, really he was probably just trying to put up a happy front for me. He hugged me and told me it would be alright, and that we would love this baby. I can't help but feel that he's right; that this happened for a reason. Maybe I'll look back on this as the best thing that could've happened.

I fell asleep for awhile after that entry. When I woke up I read a few more pages, mostly about painting my baby room and going to an ultrasound where they found out I was a girl. Keith was right after all, they had wanted me. Even so,that still didn't answer any of my questions.

I opened the diary again to read another entry; it didn't look like I was getting any answers soon, seeing as it was the last passage.

March 3, 1995

Sleep is escaping me. Eventually this baby will come, and i Vow to be a good mom, Even if it means letting go. Names for her cross my mind. Few that we are able to agree on. Olivia, that's what angelo likes. hardly Unique! i prefer macen. Really powerful. That's what im going for. i was Evil to not want her before. now she's Everything to me. i hope it's Not too late for her.

There was something weird about that entry; it lacked the happy tone that her past ones had. Now she sounded depressed and scared; it was almost written like a poem. What had changed? Everything had been going perfectly, and then this.

Before I could ponder it further, Keith was pulling into the parking lot of the Psychiatric Hospital.

"We're here," he beamed at me.

I strained my face muscles in an attempt to match his excitement. Climbing out of the car I could only hope that Gran would have more answers than my mother's cryptic diary.

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No Gran yet! Next chapter!!

-cc