Hard to Love

17. Laura

It was supposed to be me. It should have been me.

The thoughts don't stop as I rock on the floor, staring at Cami. With a trembling bottom lip, I try to say her name again, but my throat is raw.

At first I thought I should run, in case whoever had been here was waiting for me. I can't leave Cami though. I can't leave her. Not like this.

I want to touch her, but instead I shove my hands into my lap. Her skin is already cold. She's been dead for hours now. I bet she came to drive me. She liked to do that, surprise me with coffee that's probably sitting in her car this very second.

She came to be a friend, and it got her killed. I got her killed. I'll never be able to forgive myself.

The carpet is harsh on my legs as I crawl backward, trying to keep myself from returning to her side. Every few minutes I think it's not real. She's not actually dead. I'm wrong, I'm seeing things, this is all a bad joke.

And then I touch her, I cry out her name. I shook her once and the clots on her throat gave way, letting a small trickle run down to her shoulders and onto my hand.

Her blood. Cami's blood.

She's really dead.

My hands are shaking. Even when I grip them together as tight as I can, feeling the blood rushing inside of them, they don't stop shaking.

I should have been the one who was here. It should be me who was tied up. The gouges around her wrists are so deep. Like they used wire to do it.

I can't stop staring at her. Every inch of her. Every bit of evidence showing what they did to her.

And I know damn well it was supposed to be me.

The taste of salt from my tears is overwhelming, as is the heat on my face. Everything is hot and I can barely breathe; I'm suffocating, waiting in the bedroom for Seth to answer me.

My eyes flick from the black screen back to Cami as I turn it on and wait, but there's no response.

Heaving in a breath, I have to use the cold wall to stand upright, but my legs are too shaky. That's when the tears start again. Heavy, hard sobs.

She's dead.

This life costs more than I'm willing to give.

My inhale is shaky until I hear a bump outside. I freeze, even with dizzy vision, I go stone-still. I've been here long enough for whoever did this to her to come get me if they wanted. Maybe they wanted to see my heart shatter before they killed me too.

Silence, followed by more silence. It was something crashing against the house. I know I heard it.

Thump. Again I hear the sound and this time it's accompanied by the muted howl of the night wind. It's just the trash can hitting the back of the house.

It's just the trash can hitting the back of the house. I tell myself again, hoping it will calm me down but it doesn't. The wind screams and the plastic can bangs against the back of the house again.

With my eyes closed, I breathe in and out. It's okay. I'm okay.

"Please answer me, Seth." I whisper the words, only to open my eyes and see no response and Cami's dead body on the floor.

Her skin is so pale.

It takes everything in me to lean down. Even as bile rises in the back of my throat, I carry through with it, hot tears streaming down my cheeks. It's easier to close her eyes than I thought it would be. Her thick lashes feel wet beneath my fingers and I don't know if it's from my clammy hands or tears that had gathered there.