Finding myself

chapter three

"Wake up! Get ready for school!" calls my mom from down the hall. I roll out of bed and toss on jeans and a band tee. I comb my hair, brush my teeth, and grab my binder. "Mom! I'm leaving!" I scream out to her, walking out the front door. "The bus doesn't come for an hour." she says, hurt that I'm not going to spend the morning with her.
"Well, looks like I'm walking." and I slammed the door. God I hate my mother.

As I walk to school, I continue thinking about what it would be like. The first day, I mean. I'm not just some freshie anymore. Ehh, it probably won't be that different. Either way, I'm an outtcast. No one knows my name so no one will treat me differently, right?
What's going to happen now that Emmie and I aren't together anymore? I don't remember what it's like to be alone at school. I have almost no friends, she was my only friend, and then my girlfriend. Now she doesn't want to be friends anymore and that leaves me with no one. Lesson learned: don't date your only friend.
Ugh.
What am I going to do? There's no one to talk to about anything anymore. I have no friends anymore, no father, my mother and I are not on good terms, and I'm not good at making friends.
That leaves Victoria, the not-so-helpful therapist. She isn't any useful, but at least I can talk to someone now. Well, every other Sunday at least.
When I get to the block right before I reach my highschool, I stop and pluck a couple of daisies out of a flower garden in an old woman's yard. I silently apologize for taking her flowers but I need it and I'm sure she would understand if she knew what was going on.
When I get to the school, I found my locker number. Of course, mine and Emmie's lockers are side-by-side, as always. But who's locker is on the other side of Emmie's? Of course, it's Matt's. I wait until he kisses her and walks off the opposite direction before I approach her.
"uh-hi Emmie." I stutter in my usual quiet voice. "I brought you some flowers. I was hoping that maybe you would forgive me for being so sad all the time? Maybe you would consider taking me back?"
She smiled, accepting my flowers and putting them in her hair. "Levi, you're sweet. That's why I loved you so much."
I blushed shyly, as I always do when she speaks so cutely.
"But Levi," she continues, "the keyword in that is loved. I think I'm over you, but thanks for the flowers." and then she left, gone.
Okay.
Is it just me or is it completely insane to be over someone the day after you dump them?
She told me just yesterday she loves me and now she's saying it past tense. What changed?
I walked to class, my eyes watering but I didn't let the tears fall. I'm hopeless, and I don't know what to do. She was all I had, and made me happier. There's no hope for me.

When I got to my first period class, I sat down in the back of the class. At least that way, I know no one is ever staring at me. The bell rings and my first teacher, Mr. Ambrose, steps forward.
"Hello class I'm Mr. Ambrose and Im going to be teaching your Geometry class. I have already emailed you a list of my classroom rules that you can pull up later and have signed and brought back to me tomorrow. Remember where you're sitting because you'll be sitting here for the rest of the year."
The door opens and I hear footsteps but don't care enough to turn around.
"is this Mr. Ambrose's class?" the kid asks curiously.
"Ahem, yes. I'm mr. Ambrose, please take a seat next to the boy in the back."
Still not looking up, I hear the kid plop down into the seat next to me.
"Hey dude, do you have a pencil?" he asks in my direction.
I pull out a pencil and turn to give it to him.
This is the boy from therapy yesterday...