Finding myself

Chapter two

The ride home was silent, as always. When we got home my mother asked "So how was today's session?" Why is she asking me? She already knows. "It sucked, mother, as always." I said, rolling my eyes. I try to be a nice person, honestly. But she sucks so much, and I hate her. I don't hate a lot of people, but I do hate my mother for never getting me help when I needed it the most. She doesn't care about how I'm doing, and I don't know why she pretends to. She just wants to look like she cares so she can pretend to be a good mom. My first day of tenth grade is tomorrow and I do not have time to listen to my fake-mother tell me that she cares about me. I have more important things to do. 

I went back into my room and picked up my phone, that was charging on my bed. (Victoria prefers that I don't bring it to my sessions so I can talk to her without distractions, and I understand, kinda.) 

I click the power button and the first thing that I notice is that I have a text from my girlfriend, Emmie. I type in my passcode and read the really long message. "Oh look, she typed more than three words for once. Impressive."I thought to myself. She never sends any more than a couple of words, and the worst part is she types like she's illiterate, saying things like "r u goin 2 my hous 2day babeeeeeeeeeeee?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" 

I love her to the moon and back, but I can't stand to text her. 

I begin to read to the message and I am immediately heartbroken. This is what she said:

"Levi, im so sry bby but im brakin up wit u bc i thnk i like smone else. i luv u but i dont thnk i cn be wit u anymore. u r cool n all but u r just not my type no more. matt gets me, n he is not all depressing all da time so we have mre n common. ok? i am so sry bby i do luv u u no dat rite? so dis is goodbye n do not ask me bak out bc i am goin 2 date matt ok? goodbye levi i steal luv u ok."

I don't even know what to think. For one, I wish she spoke better english but at the end of the day, I love her. How could she leave me because I'm depressing? Does she not know all that I've been through. I mean, my dad left me, everyone hates me, and I thought she was the only one who understood me. But I guess she doesn't understand me at all. 

Why do people leave you for your depression?

Why do people leave you for someone else?

Why do people dump you over text?

Why do people break your heart, and not even care?

And why, oh god why, did she do all four to me? I cannot believe she would do such a horrible thing to me. I really, really thought I loved her. I do love her. She means everything to me, and honestly, her happiness means more to me than my own happiness does. Doesnt she understand that? Now I'm starting to wish I would've never fallen for her  in the first place. But, oh god, isn't she beautiful? and isn't she kind and loving?

well... she was. 

I decided I didn't want to lose what we had as friends at least, "Can we still be friends?" I texted back. Her response was immediate "no im sry bby boy  but dat would b 2 weird for me 2 do."

I don't bother texting her back after that, my heart was broken, and there was no fixing it. So instead, I plopped down on my bed and stared at the ceiling, thinking back on our entire four-month relationship and thinking of what I did wrong. That was the longest relationship I had ever had, and I thought it was going so well. I stared and stared, and thought and thought, until I drifted off to sleep, halfway forgetting that the first day of school was tomorrow.