Blame it on me

Blame it on me chapter 16

Hizashi was far more anxious around Katsuki than he used to be. He felt so utterly guilty for the other night, he hardly dared to walk around the kid, and even though Katsuki made it quite obvious he didn't like him from the beginning, he seemed to notice the change in his behavior. Hizashi thought Katsuki wouldn't mind him keeping his distance, moreover he assumed he would be glad to have him out of the way. But sometimes, Hizashi would catch him staring at him with an unreadable expression when he thought he wasn't seeing it. Hizashi didn't know if it was spite or fear, or maybe the mixture of both, but it hurt him each and every day.

Katsuki was a puzzle he missed way too many pieces from. He was acting differently with each of them. With Hitoshi, he seemed to grow comfortable, and after a bit of nagging, he spent time with Denki as well. Hizashi wouldn't forget the first — and so far, the last — time he saw Katsuki giggle, neither would he forget how the boy's smile washed away as soon as he noticed he was there. For the past few days, Hizashi often caught Katsuki being in Hizashi's room instead of hiding in his own, and to top that off, Hizashi had been finding his sons sleeping in the same bed every other morning. Neither Hizashi or Shouta asked the boys about it, noticing how it seemed as if Hitoshi was sleeping more than usual and Katsuki seemed to be calmer around him. It was a positive change, and neither of them wanted to ruin it.

Shouta was a different case as well, he kept true to himself, except he hardly ever touched Katsuki, keeping his boundaries in mind. When it was the two of them, they were quiet, but Katsuki seemed to listen to him, even if he rarely looked into his eyes. They just seemed to click right away, and Hizashi wouldn't understand how exactly. Coming from a home that — assuming from what Hizashi knew about Katsuki's parents — was rather like a battlefield, maybe Katsuki longed for someone calm and collected to be around, like Shouta.

Katsuki flinched from loud noises and quick movements, and that described Hizashi's personality. Hizashi tried to act more like Shouta, but he never really had to do anything to have Katsuki tense up. Every time he tried to offer an act of kindness towards the kid, he acted like he received the opposite. Hizashi knew Katsuki preferred to stay away from physical contact, but he also knew it was at an unhealthy level. A child needed to experience positive approach from others, and Katsuki was undeniably touch starved already. Maybe he always had been, which would explain why he never realized what he was missing.

Hizashi tried to change that with harmless touches and pets, but Katsuki simply couldn't seem to get used to it. He hadn't touched Katsuki at all ever since that night... and he didn't know if it was for the better or worse.

Shouta took Hitoshi out for training, which left Hizashi alone with Katsuki and Shima. They had lunch just before his husband and son left, and Katsuki ate upstairs, just like every day. Hizashi had been so stressed out about Katsuki in the past few weeks he had been overworking himself, trying to keep himself busy, but he couldn't find nor a solution nor peace.

He had been washing the same plate for a few minutes for sure, hyper focused on one particular spot he couldn't get off. He scrubbed and scrubbed until he had to realize it was an imperfection on that damn plate and not actual dirt. He put it onto the dish rack with a shaking hand and let out a disappointed sigh. He turned to grab a dishtowel from the counter to his left and bumped into Katsuki, who had been behind him for who knows how long.

Hizashi let out a small yelp in surprise as the boy took a step backwards from the force of the bump and the bowl he was carrying slipped out of his hands and fell to the floor, shattering to pieces. A dead silent moment passed and both of them stayed frozen in place, staring at each other. Hizashi was just surprised but Katsuki ran pale in a split second and crystal clear horror freezing over his face.