Blame it on me

Blame it on me chapter 20

For the following two weeks, Hizashi and Shouta kept a closer eye on Katsuki since he shared a few too many alarming thoughts describing his self-worth that they needed to look out for. They checked into his room more often, and they tried to get him to go out with them as much as they could. The only time Katsuki looked even close to being happy was when he was mesmerized by Kuro, the little black cat he found on the streets the other day. Other times he just had a straight face, barely showing any emotion other than occasional frustration.

He was more willing to spend time with them, though. He helped to prepare meals, and he would slowly start eating with them almost every day. He was mostly moving around with Hitoshi, always appearing a little lost, a little too far inside his thoughts. The two boys grew quite close, and Katsuki was trying to get along with Shouta and Hizashi as well. He just did not know how.

He was still looking for boundaries and rules to guide him on how to act. The adults tried to assure him he couldn't do anything wrong, but what they offered was a whole another world for Katsuki. He grew up in a home that was like a battlefield, of course he did not know what to do when an adult showed affection towards him. It wasn't his fault. They told him that every day.

They told him how precious he was and that he was doing great, and that they loved him every single day, and Katsuki couldn't react. He stared at them longingly after each time they repeated it, but he never expressed a word to let them know what went down in his brain. Sometimes he would rub the back of his head and either hide behind Hitoshi or run away.

The grief his parents left behind surely took a toll on him. The more he accepted nothing will ever be the same, the more depressed he became. He would often zone out and start rubbing his left collar, where most of his scars were. They knew it meant he was wrapped up in a memory, and they would try to distract him every time. Katsuki never wanted to talk about it, but he seemed to find peace around them without having to say a word.

It was common between victims of abuse and trauma to either become prone to hurting others or themselves for numerous reasons. Hitoshi had been through it when he was younger. It was terrible to witness, and both Hizashi and Shouta would carry that phase within their memories forever. That was when Hitoshi first went to therapy. He didn't 'click' with the first therapist they found, but thankfully he liked the second one. He was offered alternatives to deal with the feelings he didn't know how to handle, and after a few months, he got better. Not perfectly fine, but better. And that was enough. Hitoshi never hurt anyone other than himself, but Katsuki was another case.

Katsuki was willing to injure other kids, but most of the time he had nobody to reflect his feelings on other than himself. He started small; rubbing his skin a bit too hard, digging his nails into it until they left temporary marks, cutting his fingers when helping around the kitchen a bit too often, and clearly not caring about it. They were all signs, subconscious or not, they were nothing to ignore. They made the mistake of not stepping in soon enough with Hitoshi, and they wouldn't make the same mistake again.

The ultimate dealbreaker was when Hizashi saw Katsuki throw his head against the top of his desk and pull his hair anxiously only because he didn't know an answer for his English homework and refused to ask for help. On the following weekend, Hizashi took Katsuki for a ride while Shouta and Hitoshi were out practicing.

"So where are we going exactly?" Katsuki asked from the passenger seat, already suspicious. He was sharp to say the least, but most of the time he was just low-key paranoid.