Red vs blue female OC season 1

The rookies

Simmons, Thea and Grif are on top of Red Base. A soldier in red armor (Donut) is walking up the ramp behind them.

Simmons: Hey, that's not exactly what happened.

Thea: I hate to say it Grif but I agree with Simmons on this one.

Grif: Yes, it is. You guys said, "I'm not going to the Vegas quadrant," and then the next thing I know you're in an escape pod headed for-

Donut: Excuse me, uh, sirs.

Grif: Sirs? (turns to Donut) Ah crap.

Donut: I was told to report to Blood Gulch Outpost Number One and speak to whoever's in charge.

Grif: Sorry man, Sarge is at Command getting orders. Ain't nobody in charge today.

Simmons: Actually, Private, he left me in charge while he's gone.

Grif: You are such a kiss-ass.

Thea: Actually Simmons, Sarge left me in charge.

Simmons: Of course he did, he also told me if I had any trouble from you I should... (clears throat then poorly imitates Sarge) "Git in the Warthog, and crush yer head like a tomato-can."

Grif: That's the worst impression I've ever heard.

Thea: Of all time.

Simmons: Okay rookie, what's your story?

Donut: Private Donut reporting for duty, sir. I'm ready to fight some aliens.

Thea: Nice to meet you donut, I'm Thea.

Sticks out her hand for him to shake, he grabs it and shakes it.

Donut: Nice to meet you ma'am.

Grif: Couple things here, rookie. First off, Private Donut? I think somebody needs a new nickname. Secondly, what's with the armor color?

Donut: This IS the standard issue red.

Grif: Yeah, I know. Listen. Only two kinds of people wear standard issue armor: officers and recruits. And since you're not threatening to gut me like a fish, you're probably not an officer.

Donut: (looks at Simmons) Well, he's wearing red armor.

Simmons: No, my armor is maroon. Your armor is red.

Donut: (looks at Thea) What about her.

Thea: I'm cherry.

Donut: Well, how do I get a different color armor?

Simmons: I bet the blues don't have to put up with this kind of crap.

Thea: I think you jinxed them.

Church, Tucker, and a soldier in standard issue blue (Caboose) are looking at a tank.

Caboose: So I say to the guy, "How're you gonna get the tank down to the planet?" And he goes, "I'll just put it on the ship," and I go, "If you've got a ship that can carry a tank, why not just put guns on the ship and use it instead?"

Tucker: Hey, kid.

Caboose: Yeah?

Tucker: You're ruining the moment. Shut up.

Caboose: Oh. Okay. You got it man!

Church: You know what? I could blow up the whole god damn world with this thing.

Cut to the Reds.

Simmons: Okay, Private Donut, here's the deal.

Grif: I just refuse to call him Private Donut!

Simmons: We've got a very important mission for you. You think you can handle it?

Donut: Absolutely!

Simmons: We need you to go to the store, and get two quarts of elbow grease.

Thea: Huh?

Grif: Yeah and uh, pick up some headlight fluid for the Puma too.

Donut: The what?

Simmons: He means the Warthog.

Grif: You do know where the store is, right, Rookie?

Thea: (mutters) You guys are cruel.

Donut: What? Yeah, yeah, of course I do. Sure, no problem.

Simmons: Well, get going then.

Donut starts running across the base.

Grif: Other way.

Donut turns around and goes the other way.

Donut: I knew that. Just got turned around that's all.

Grif, Thea and Simmons watch Donut running off into the Gulch.

Simmons: How long do you think until he figures out there's no store?

Grif: I say... at least a week.

Thea: If he dies it's y'all fault. I'm going to help Lopez with the warthog.

Thea walks away to help Lopez.

Donut runs through the Gulch, stops, and turns to talk to himself.

Donut: Elbow grease... How stupid do they think I am? Once I get back to base with that headlight fluid, I'm gonna talk to the Sergeant.

Cut to the Blues.

Tucker: You know what? Forget what I said before. We can definitely pick up chicks in this thing. Probably two or three chicks a piece, including that red chick.

Church: Oh man, listen to you. What're you gonna do with two chicks? And I told you Tucker she's the enemy.

Tucker: Church, women are like Voltron: The more you can hook up, the better it gets and I keep my options open for any women, including the enemy.

Cut to Grif and Simmons.

Simmons: You think that we were too mean to the kid?

Grif: Nah, he'll just wander around on the cliffs for a few hours. What's the worst that could happen?

With Thea and Lopez

Thea: Hey Lopez?

Lopez looks at her.

Thea: On a scale from one to ten would you say that the rookie will make it?

Lopez holds up two fingers.

Thea: Yeah, me too.

Donut approaches Blue Base.

Donut: Finally, there it is. ...Oh sweet! They sell tanks!