Manic Pixie: Black Girls and the Everyday

Morning Light

"I wished you saw you, how I see you in morning light. How beautiful you actually are when your most vulnerable. Just before your thoughts get to you. When you're not pretending. I don't need you to be my type or the type of girl you think I like. I just want you." He placed his hand gently on my check and stared into my eyes. There was something so genuinely sad about his words. They hung between us like empty promises. I closed my eyes, focusing on my breathing. "I simply don't believe you."

---

Somehow tonight seems darker than usual. I live in one of the largest cities in the world, so it's not like I'm expecting stars but something about tonight is darker than usual. I was in my living room looking out the window waiting for my boyfriend to arrive. I caught my reflection in the wall length window. My eyes blurred as I took in my reflection in the window. My knee length black knotless braids were in a high half ponytail, I wore a simple slip black dress and the iconic LV heels to pair. Style wise it was different from what I looked like a year ago before I meet my boyfriend. However, my face and makeup were still the same. Tonight, I went for a simple brown winged liner, larger lashes, and a bold red lip.

I took a sip of the white wine I had brought for tonight. It was our one-year anniversary, and I should be excited but with each minute he wasn't here my enthusiasm was disappearing. I kept my eyes on the window looking at the busy city street below me. As though I could spot him from the 15 floor. I swirl the wine glass in my hand and before taking another sip. I wasn't much of a drinker but since tonight was special and he really likes white wine I thought I would give it a try. I noticed as I grabbed the bottle to pour myself another drink that I had drank half the bottle. I sighed and put it down not wanting to be drunk and sad when I finally let myself admit that he wasn't coming tonight.

Even though the two of us live together, he had been crashing at his friends' houses more and more. I pulled my legs up to my chest and lay my head on my knees, chuckling as I did so. There was no doubt in my mind that he was with another girl. All of his friends either lived out of town or with their partners. I closed my eyes realizing that the wine was starting to affect me. My head was hurting, and I was feeling drowsy.

---

I could feel someone's hand on my face, they was a familiar gentleness to the touch. Even though my boyfriend's hands were calloused and large, he always touched me with such care. Like I was made of glass. It was probably the thing I loved the most about him. All my life I had never been touched or cared for in that way. I kept my eyes closed wanting the moment to last. Wanting the moment in between him not knowing I was awake and my anger towards him to last. Despite my wishes he pulled his hand away and I could hear him chuckling.

"I know that you're up, don't bother pretending."

I opened my eyes and sat up in couch. Looking out the window I could see that it was still dark out. It gave me a bit of hope that maybe he did remember.

"What time is it?" there was a momentary silence before he said "2 am."

I looked at him and that was when I noticed his bag that hung from his left shoulder. He must have noticed what I was looking at as he put the bag down and came closer to me. Crouched down we were at eye level, our eyes connected but neither of said anything. I had no idea what was going through his head, and I could barely sort out my own thoughts as I was still drunk. Either way I did not feel like hearing his excuse or haven my heart broken on our anniversary. I got up from the couch and gently pushed him aside. I adjusted my dress as I walked towards the bedroom. However, I tripped and bumped into the table. The wine bottle fell and I cursed at myself thinking of the cleanup but beyond the glass shattering I realized there was no wine. I had drunk the whole thing waiting for him.