Why Can't It Be Me?

Chapter 5: Only Time Will Tell

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My brain was on overdrive; I was so unsure with what I was about to do. I had never partied in my life but there was something about it that had always intrigued me, tempted me, even. I had spent all 17 years being so cautious, so good, meanwhile I had never experienced what it would be like to live life on the edge. To lose control for once and be a reckless teenager.

What I had felt today was unlike anything I had ever felt before. It was the first time I had truly said what I wanted to and I hadn't even thought about the consequences. It was thrilling, almost euphoric.

Growing up I had always watched as Damon made "bad" choices, or back-talked to his mother, Sloane. On every occasion, I'd question him, asking why he continued to act that way and he would shrug and tell me I'd never understand. And not for a moment had I, until today.

I was always a good kid and did what I was told no matter what. I wanted to be just like my parent's, but I was starting to lose sight of the point. Look where it got them..

I was pacing across the street of the bricked out building, the muffled sound of the music filled my ears as well as the rapid thumping of my heart beat.

The lights inside were vibrant, neon colours illuminating silhouettes as they danced. It was so inviting.

"Are you just gonna keep kickin' rocks or are you gonna join the party, butterscotch?" Larkin crossed her arms over her chest and raised her eyebrows at me.

"Yeah, seriously. You've been walking back and forth in the same spot for the passed 10 minutes." Bree grumbled and rolled her eyes.

Stopping mid-pace, I shot her a glare and she held her hands up. "Hey, you're lucky we're even still waiting for you. C'mon Bella, don't be a buzz kill."

My ears rang, her words spinning in my head as they pulled me back to a moment so familiar.

1 year ago

"C'mon Bella, don't be a buzz kill." Damon rested one arm against the crumbling pillar, leaning on the broken down house that was now used for every secret party in the neighbourhood. The buttons of his grey collard shirt were undone, leaving it to blow open with each breeze. I could see the silver tip of his lighter poking out of his upper left pocket.

The sleeves were scrunched up just before his elbows in a messy fashion and I caught a glimpse of the tail end of the word "Sinner" that was engraved in black ink with a skull on his right forearm. Pressed between his index and middle finger was a half-smoked cigarette, the ashy tip coloured cherry red.

I nibbled at the skin around my fingernails as I tried my best not to stare at his bare chest; lately it had been getting harder for me to be around him without noticing just how beautiful he was.

We had been waiting outside for quite some time now, Damon really wanted me to be here. I wanted to be here. At least I thought I did until I stood in front of it, looking at the hollowed structure and overhearing the chaos that never wavered inside.

I snuck out of the house to go with him, although that took some convincing from Damon, too. I knew my parents would be so mad if they found out I went to a party, especially with him.