Where Lost Things Go | ✓

【拾柒】A LIFE WITHOUT REGRETS

chapter 17.
a life without regrets

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ASHER DIDN'T KNOW what kind of movie he expected her to pick, but it sure wasn't the most gruesome version of horror. She had chosen a 2 hour slasher film, filled beginning to end with unnecessary amounts of blood, jump scares, and death.

Reagan was very fond of horror movies. It was the only genre that could hold her interest long enough, but she quickly learned that Asher did not feel the same way.

He slid deeper into his seat with each jump scare, squirming when the suspense built too high. Reagan had a more enjoyable time watching his reactions than the movie itself.

Halfway into the movie, she saw him flinch again at another ghost jump scare. She looked over at him, observing the way his eyes fixated in slight fear at the screen. Leaning back into her seat, she thought about how soft his features looked under the movie lights.

Someone in the movie screamed. Asher turned away from the screen, ducking his head in her direction.

"What were you saying about disliking violence?" he whispered harshly to her, grimacing as he turned his eyes away from the bloodied screen.

Sighing with a small smile, she offered her hand face up on the hand rest. She didn't notice her heart was racing until she saw him look at it.

But her heart won the race, cheering when he slid his hand into hers.

They were still holding hands when they exited the theatre.

It was the reason behind Asher's smile, despite coming out of a horror movie that had scared him to his core. As they walked, he glanced down at their interlocked hands. For some reason, his heart wouldn't stop pounding.

"What did you think?" she asked, looking over at him.

He tore his gaze from their hands and met her gaze, "About the movie?"

She nodded.

"Absolute shit."

Reagan laughed, the sound only making his heart beat faster.

"I'm picking the movie next time," he said, as he kept her eyes on her.

She stopped abruptly and pulled him back, making him stumble against her. A car rushed past them, honking as they barely avoided collision.

"Watch where you're going," she mumbled, as she continued to cross the street, lugging him behind her.

He didn't know how to tell her he was too distracted by her.

"Do you want to get food?" he asked instead.

"Sure."

They headed to Chinatown, which was still bustling with people even though it was nearing midnight. They walked the busy streets, eyes dancing along the yellow lanterns that paved the way for them.

Reagan pulled him towards a street food stand, and spoke to the salesman in Mandarin.

She tossed a few bills into the jar, smiling as he handed her five lamb skewers.

"I didn't know you spoke Mandarin," he said in amazement as she handed him three sticks.

"It's my mother's first language," she said. "She taught me Japanese and German, too."

At this point, he shouldn't have been surprised. She really did seem to know everything. Asher whistled beside her as they continued walking, "Damn."

He began chomping on the lamb skewers.

"Tell me about your mother," he said, after a while. He felt awkward asking, but she sure seemed to talk a lot about a woman who Asher already deemed to be a raging bitch.

"Well first of all, she's dead," she said simply.

Asher choked on a piece of meat.

"I'm sorry for asking," he cleared his throat.

"Don't be." She continued, "She was a research psychologist and then a professor. She was the smartest person I'd ever known. She knew everything."

"You know everything, too."

She shrugged, "Not as much as her."

Reagan handed him another skewer when he finished all three of his. "She was also the worst person I'd ever known."

"Yeah?"

"The world had let her down, so she decided to do the same to me," Reagan's eyes clouded over. "She didn't like talking about it, but I think it had something to do with my father. She always told me falling in love was the biggest mistake she ever made."

Asher wanted to punch a dead woman.

"She got pregnant with me at the height of her career. There were limits for a young pregnant Asian woman in STEM like her, so she dropped it all for me. And whatever my father promised her, he ended up taking it all away when he left her. He stripped her of any kind of dignity and confidence she had. Since day one, she drilled me down with academics, as if my intellect could somehow make up for the way hers was cut short. She wanted me to pick up where she left off, but was only disappointed that I wasn't as smart as her."

"Seemed like she was pushing her insecurities and regrets onto you," he concluded.

Reagan shrugged, "I guess."

"That's not very fair."

"It doesn't matter," she said. "She died in a car crash."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Asher tossed the sticks away. "Do you miss her?"

Reagan took his hand again. "Sometimes," she admitted. "She was my everything once."

Despite everything, Reagan didn't hate her mother.

"For the longest time, I wanted to be like her. On the outside, she was so classy, so intelligent, and so well-versed. But when I think about her now, all I can think about was how bitter and miserable she was. She had so many regrets in life."

Reagan took a deep breath beside him and pulled him to a stop. He turned back to look at her.

The glow of the yellow lanterns caressed her cheeks.

"I don't want to die with any regrets," Reagan said as she looked at Asher.

Her eyes were dancing with some kind of mystery he had never seen before.

She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him.