MARITA

Through The Looking Glass (Part 1)

Marita shifted in her sleep. Her hand touched a warm something next to her. Diah swatted her hand away in her sleep. But Mama Vina was not there. She sat up in bed trying to locate her mother in the dim lighted room. She saw her mom sitting at her dining table with a bible in front of her. She was deep in prayer. All was quiet. The clock was ticking. It was 3 AM. Marita lay herself down quietly. She thought about all those nights when she woke up to find her mom in deep prayer. Those moments made her mother human in her eyes.

Her mother is in the military. So, she is strict, somewhat rugged and straight forward. She was a looker in her days. Growing up, Marita saw how perfect her mother is in her work and in her role as wife and mother. She set a high standard that Marita secretly feeling hopeless to achieve. That is until she was in her first year of High School. Her father's business was booming so she saw less and less of her father at home. Her mom made an effort to stay at home more so she will at least Marita was not abandoned. This was the year that Diah's Mother began falling sick so she was at home a lot. Both mothers relied on each other as the daughters to each other. The walls between their houses became so fluid that her house is Marita's house and vice versa. Her mom is Marita's mom's and vice versa.

During those time, Marita found out that her father had had a baby with another woman and those time he was away from them was when he was with the other woman. Marita was too young and too oblivious to understand and to feel hurt. However, she woke up one night to find her mom on her knees praying silently with tears on her face. That image stayed with her for a long time. Her mother was like a coin with two different side. She is strong and perfect but now she witnessed her vulnerability as she carried the pain in silence. For a few months, Marita will be awoken at night just to go and peeked at her mother in praying. She would hide behind the door, the curtain or anything just to make sure her mom did not know she was there. She came to realized that her mother wanted to shield her from this painful truth.

On her birthday that year, she asked for the three of them to go for dinner at a fancy restaurant. Her father came and they went together as one big happy family. Her father and mother didn't realized that Marita already knew about the affair. It was a huge shock to both her mother and father when after dessert she told them she knew of what happen and asked her parents to just divorce already. It was an awkward silence when they drove home. Marita asked to spend the night at Diah's house.

When she returned home in the morning. She looked at her mother's teary eyes. Her father was not there. She saw his wardrobe half empty. She went to hold her mom's hand.

"He chose them?" she asked heartbrokenly.

Her mother nodded and hugged her. 

"Then.... It's just you and me now, Mom." said Marita. "We will be alright."

She hugged her mother tightly. She is only half of her mother's size and yet she can feel her mother crumbling in her embrace. She was more heartbroken for her mother instead of crying for a father that didn't choose her.

Mama Vina wiped her tears and looked into Marita's eyes. "Your father is a good person who made a mistake. Don't hate him."

"I do not feel anything for him, Ma. He hurt you. He hurt us. He didn't choose me" Marita said this with no tears in her eyes.

"Darling, he loves you. Very very much. But at this moment, he needed to be with them," Mama Vina caressed her daughter's cheek.

"I don't understand why he would choose them over me. But I can see why. The baby needs a father," Marita was still stoic.

"Mari, It's OK to feel sad and hurt. You can cry honey." Mama Vina was a little worried at her daughter lack of emotion.

"I will cry when I feel like it, Ma." She caught her mother's hand from her cheek and put it in hers.