All my love

Where do we go from here

Michaels POV
I don't know why but I feel like I just lost a child. I went too far this time. I know that this time she may leave me. I also know that she may not make it out of the hospital this time. The doctors say that when I threw her into the wall the third vertebrae in her spine fractured. It caused her to be unable to walk which is why she crawled up to me. She was begging me to stop.

I couldn't.

I don't know why but I couldn't stop once I'd started. I saw red. I saw the woman who had broken me a year prior. I saw the man who she had been sleeping with. I saw the girl who let my father take our child. I saw the life of my past self as a child be beaten like this. I saw Joseph hurting my mother. I couldn't stop. I didn't want to. She had pushed me beyond my breaking point when she slapped me in front of my execs and producers. She had pushed me too far to turn back. It was her fault I went beyond crazy.

I know that I may have killed our child and I will never forgive myself if the baby died. I just... I couldn't see past the fact that she was testing my manhood, my authority, my intelligence... she was pushing me beyond my limits. She pressed all the right buttons and I couldn't see past my rage. I may have killed the only woman who has ever willingly put up with me. My heart. The love of my life may be dead and it's because I can't control my rage.

12 hours later
I was sitting in the waiting area that was closest to the hall that my baby was in. I couldn't fathom the thought of maybe losing her. For good. I needed help with my rage but I just couldn't bring myself to tell her that...I am mentally unstable and extremely exhausted. We have six possibly seven children and instead of her bringing another baby into the world with baby number seven. I killed baby 8 .I stressed the babies so much while beating their mother senselessly that one of them didn't make it.

The doctor came into the waiting room scanning around until his eyes landed on me once again. For the fifth time tonight.

Mr.Jackson , come with me. He sighed and waited until I was near enough to keep up with him to start walking to a room I didn't recognize. It was the NICU unit where baby 8 lay lifeless. Lifeless. I killed my child.

Mr.Jackson your son died of acute asphyxiation to the brain. In order to save baby 1 we had to abort baby 2 . I'm sorry for your loss... we can have the baby a ceremony in the chapel since the baby is almost fully developed.

I frowned.

I shouldn't be having a funeral for my child. This feeling of absolute agony washed over me as I looked at my son with nothing but sadness for I had killed him. I wasn't the same anymore. I wanted to change for my family. I just don't know how.

The doctor leads me into my wife's room for the last time tonight seeing as though my visiting time is up in an hour. She lay there. Face full of bruises and abrasions and cuts in which I had left. Even with the damage done she was still insanely beautiful. I didn't have the courage to let go just yet so I walked up to her bedside and tried taking her hand in mine but she snatched away from me. Not knowing she was awake I became frightened. But I calmed and started to tear up once I seen what I had done to her to the fullest extent.

Without the creme skirt suit I could clearly see a baby bump. She hid a pregnancy from me for 34 weeks. 7 almost 8 months of pregnancy hidden in plain sight. Why she hid it I don't know but she did.

Baby...(I sigh) I just I don't -

No!! .. you - you killed our son Michael our unborn son!!! ... you almost killed me. And because of  your uncontrollable rage I have a fractured vertebrae and I am going to have to have surgery.... WTF WERE U THINKING?!?! U almost killed me!!!... you could have killed both twins. She says this whole bawling. And I can't blame her. I can only tell her the truth.