𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐡𝐢𝐜 • 𝐣𝐢𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐨𝐥

XXIII

jeonghan managed to bottle his feelings inside when the three companions of his asked if he was alright. the god also mustered up a smile the whole time they were going back up the apartment with groceries in hand, too, and he was thankful for that. he didn't want to break down in front of them.

"doll, may i go to the washroom? i feel the need to wash my face. i have been sweating the whole time we were downstairs." jeonghan then asked, when jisoo, chan, and seungcheol were sorting out the ingredients they need.

jisoo nods. "just come down for lunch, hannie."

"alright!"

when granted access, jeonghan runs upstairs, making minimal noises. having access to the washroom meant that jeonghan will be undisturbed during his time of self-doubt.

arriving inside, jeonghan silently closes the door behind him and leans on the sink. he laughs to himself, surprised by the image the mirror in front of him is projecting.

let jeonghan recall what people call him based on his appearance. hmm. long ago, there was god of beauty and love. there was beautiful, there was perfect, there was lovely, there was pleasant. now, the recently added ones were patched-up doll. there was also 'thug', there was scary, there was indecent, there was 'bad person', there was monster.

the people around jeonghan can lie, but never the mirror. the mirror always tells the truth. do you know what jeonghan sees in the mirror? do you know what kind of truth jeonghan found out by looking at the mirror? he found out that people weren't lying at all. jeonghan was all of them. a scary, bad, monster.

laughing to himself, jeonghan grabs the soap. he flicks the faucet open, wetting his hands and the soap along with it. the soap produces bubbles and suds, which jeonghan smiled at. that was what he needed. just a little more rubs, and then—there!

jeonghan lets go of the soap, dropping it on the sink, leaving a dent. he looks at himself in front of the mirror once again, applying all the bubbles and suds from the soap on his face. jeonghan starts rubbing his face slowly, as if he was advertising a face product. he gently runs his fingers across the scars, expecting that the soap will wash it off.

maybe if i scrub harder, it will go away. jeonghan thought, creasing his eyebrows as he scrubs his fingers across all of the scars he had. do it harder. harder, jeonghan, do you not comprehend? do you not wish for these ugly remnants of yourself to disappear? don't you want to ascend to asylus again?

"it's not going away!" jeonghan frowns, his bubbly hands starting to heat up because of the friction. the god instead uses his fingers to try and scratch the scars off, getting annoyed by the soap's inefficiency. "it's not supposed to be there. no marks are supposed to taint my face!"

no marks are supposed to taint my face! jeonghan's own words echoes inside his head, sadly meeting eyes with his reflection. poor him. his reflection will never reflect who he truly is.

who he truly is? do you even know who you really are?

vengeance, wrath, awakening his core—it all means nothing if jeonghan didn't get better from the last time he faced his enemies. he'll just lose and gain more grotesque marks due to his arrogance, despite not confiding in his own strength.

"it's so much easier doing it this way, look!" jisoo pulls seungcheol's wrist, stealing his attention away from the dinosaur shaped cookie cutters, which are cursed. when you make cookies with it, it turns out looking like a polygon you'd see in geometry tests. "the noodles are now soft and cooked!"

seungcheol looks inside the pot of instant ramen, his eyebrows creasing. he may insult jisoo for existing, but he can never insult jisoo's instant ramen recipe! gordon ramsey can vouch for him!

the master househusband smiles in no time, making jisoo proud of himself. seeking validation, huh?! "it smells good, little human! i am not sure if i want to eat this, though. you might have put poison in."

"i'm not going to poison you!" jisoo replied, laughing at seungcheol's randomness. he remembers that he considered adding in rat poison in those berry blast pies jeonghan back then, but there was no rat poison so jisoo just gave up. "okay, i'll take a bite first then."

jisoo takes the fork, shoving a handful noodles inside his mouth. it was seriously yummy! "see, try it, cheollie!"

seungcheol steals the fork from jisoo, giving him a stink eye. okay, jisoo didn't know whether that was for him, or his ramen. leave him and his michelin-starred creation alone! seungcheol's just jealous because he can't cook like the gordon ramsey-acclaimed writer!

(since when did writers get acclaimed by a fucking chef?!)

"hmm.. fits my palate, at the least." seungcheol shrugged, placing the fork on the countertop. jisoo chuckled. this tsundere, really. "do you only become a best cook when it comes to packed goods from the store?"

jisoo raised his eyebrows, shrugging. "yes, but i can cook jeonghan's berry blast now too!" which earned him a bonk on the back of his head. ow??

"it's berry burst, little human! how many times do i have to tell you, huh?" seungcheol shook his head, giving jisoo a 'i'm-sick-of-your-mistakes' smile.

jisoo knows that he shouldn't be assuming things again, but 'little human' sounds a little less derogatory now. wait, was it derogatory in the first place, or was it seungcheol's tone that makes it sound derogatory?! oh god, was it a pet name?! a goddamn pet name?!

"i didn't say anything! i said berry burst only." jisoo plays it off, closing the lid of the potcthat contained the ramen. he accidentally meets gazes with chan, who was shaking his head at jisoo while painting his weird frog clay rings blue.

it was a scary, knowing look. did chan catch on with everything that fast?! jisoo hopes not.

"shall we go and call jeonghan for help to bake a berry burst pie?" seungcheol asks, dropping the previous subject completely. "he's a better cook than you. and i am a better cook than you, so you're at the bottom. hah!"

bottom... huh.... jisoo wouldn't know unless he tries—

"you are drifting away again, little human! thinking of filthy mingyu?!" seungcheol pouts, pinching jisoo not lightly. "let's go get jeonghan! you are unacceptable!"

"ow!" jisoo whined, shaking his arm that seungcheol pinched. "why am i unacceptable?!"

"because you have two of us in front of you, and yet you pick someone who's far away!" seungcheol slips his hand through jisoo's, firmly pulling it so that he would follow seungcheol. "let's see what jeonghan thinks about this, dirty little mortal."

that, folks, is an example of what jisoo means when he said that he doesn't know how to take a joke. or if it is a joke at all! this is so frustrating! more than writing!

(side note: jisoo realized that watching people get 'your' and 'you're' wrongly is more frustrating.)

(second side note: never mind. his situation is the most frustrating out of the three.)