ANON. || l.s.

Connections¹

It has been a week now without Liam. He kept looking at me from the other side of the cafeteria and usually nodded at me to then look away. I really didn't know what to do. Should I go over there? Ask him what his problem was? But then, I knew what the problem was. I became a loose cannon and he was just thinking about his own safety. Fuck, I couldn't even blame him, I understood where he was coming from. It still hurt, though.

Ofcourse I failed the test despite the fact I tried to wing it last moment by cramming every formula of math into my head 5 minutes before. It was no use. I guess I was no use now. God my life was depressing.

People noticed me now though. Before I could walk through the halls and nobody knew my name. Now they knew- well not my name, but they knew who I was, and I had to say, it felt kind of good. I felt seen, even if it was for the wrong reasons. It sucked that that also meant there were more hateful remarks about my sexuality but there were some good things too.

I noticed a guy in History class who kept looking at me. At first, I tried to ignore it but he was so obvious that I started to reciprocate his stares, hoping he'd get the hint. People had a habit of staring at me these days since I was the "new member" of the ANONseekers. He didn't make fun of me though. Plus, he wasn't too hard on the eye either. Our eyes met and I felt a warm feeling spreading through my body. Well, it had been a while. He gave me a slow wink whilst licking his lips. I grinned back and diverted my eyes back to the teacher. I guess I wasn't the only one who liked phallus-shaped objects. During the class, I observed him without making it too obvious. His eyes kept flicking back to me too.

He had black hair and a sharp chiselled jawline. His eyelashes were long and luscious, framing two big auburn eyes. He had this air around him like he couldn't care less what other people thought of him. Well fuck me, I like this attention.

'Tomlinson, once you're done looking for answers in Mr Malik's trousers I suggest you turn your page so you can do something about your grades.' The voice of our teacher, Mr Waine, echoed through the class and I turned beet red. I fixated on my paper while I heard the class around me laugh. Just my luck.

When the buzzer rang I rushed up to grab all my stuff so I could get out of there as soon as possible. The teacher had other plans though.
'Tomlinson, stay please.'
I feared I was in deep trouble now. Reluctantly I sat down again and watched everybody shuffle out of the class with amused looks over their shoulders towards me. I felt someone bump into me in all the commotion and a small note was shoved onto my table. I quickly grabbed it and stuffed it in my pocket. When I looked who it was the Malik guy send me a wide smile - Even his teeth were perfect - and shrugged his shoulders. Then he walked out of the class.

'I'm not too please with the latest developments Louis, and we need to talk about it.' The teacher circled his desk, grabbed a chair from the table beside me and sat down. He laid a small blue folder in front of him with my name scribbled on top of it.
'I'm hearing stories and I really hope they aren't true.' He raised an eyebrow and looked at me questionably. I wasn't very good at confrontations, but I always liked Mr Waine. He had a calm demeanour and always asked before thinking the worst. Even if his question had prejudice in it, I felt he honestly wanted to check-in, instead of just scolding me.
'They aren't true sir. It was a misunderstanding.' I eyed the folder. That didn't look promising.
'Good.' He nodded. 'I was hoping that it was.' He tapped on the folder and with a sigh, he flipped it open.
'I've been reading up on your grades with the help of counsellor Neelis. She provided me with an overview of your grades from last semester.' He furrowed his eyes looking at some of the information. 'To be honest Louis, I'm worried. You are failing your tests and I've been noticing you aren't very focused in my classes. Now I only see you in mine ofcourse but given your grades, I have a feeling you aren't very focussed on the other classes as well.'

I looked at my lap in shame. He was right. I started to get angry at myself. Why was I such a fuck up? I cleared my throat and spoke in hopes I could make it better.
'I'm sorry...' I glanced at the folder. 'I will do better, I know I'm messing things up, and I'm sorry.'
Mr Waine sighed and looked at me in concern. God, I hated that look. It reminded me of Liam.
'Look, I will put a good word in for you to Mrs Neelis, but I can't guarantee anything. I gotta be honest, Louis, you're at risk of being tagged. And even if I think you could use the extra tutoring that comes with it, I also see what happens with kids that get tagged.'

I looked up in shock. 'Seriously?'
'Yes, seriously.' He nodded and stood up. 'As I said, I will put in a good word for you but I'm only one voice. Things are pretty bad as they are right now.' He gestured outside. 'Focus Tomlinson, You can do this, I know you can.'
'Okay..' I shuffled up and grabbed my bag. 'Thank you, Mr Waine...for listening I mean.'
'You're very welcome.'

Well...Fuck.