ANON. || l.s.

Cradles

Fire's spreading all around my room
My world's so bright
It's hard to breathe
but that's alright
Hush

---------------------------

It wasn't long until I found myself walking home, dreading the prospect of the house visit I had with Father today. Apart from the slight excitement I felt of possibly seeing Harry again, I felt panic bubbling in my stomach, knowing Father would be present to see every glance, blush or lingering eye contact. He'd made it quite clear that men should love women, not other men, and a beautiful guy in his twenties would definitely get his guards up.  

The sun was shining brightly at the sky now, and I felt sweat trickling down my back. My uniform was sticking to my skin and my hair was flat and greasy from me trying to comb it back with my hands all day. 

It was too hot today. The weather here was always a toss-up between being chilly and getting soaked from head to toe, or getting burnt alive bathing in sweat.

When I was little, we used to travel to the beach with warm days like these. We'd dip our toes in the sand and soak up the warm weather we got occasionally. I have fond memories of that place. The drive was long and boring, filled with silences between Father and Mother, but as soon as we'd arrive, the tension would lift and all I could see was people smiling. There was an old stand with fish and chips, something Mother always bought at the end of the day. She'd give me two pieces of fish ("no more or you'll get sick on the way home") but always gave me a third piece when Father wasn't watching. 

It seemed so long ago. When Father and Mother were smiling at each other and sharing a bottle of water while treading the damp sand, sun rays lighting up their smiles. She would grab my hand and pulled me along, searching for little seashells, which I would later proudly display at home. I still feel joy when I smell salty air near an ocean. It reminded me of freedom and happiness. 

All I can smell now is pollution. And maybe the cold sweats of people inhabiting this small town, although I could never be sure about that ofcourse. Maybe it was just my imagination. 

There were a lot of people on the streets today, so I walked home without having to hide once. I did get a disapproving glare from an old lady when I walked beside her, but I guess it could have had something to do with the fact I was dragging my sweaty self ahead in this scorching heat. 

Father was in his usual spot on the couch looking alarmingly cheerful. He was holding a cup of tea (quite unusual) and across from him was a young blonde man, holding a cup as well. He was seated on the dingy pouffe we pulled out when we had guests, which was never. I almost felt bad for him, a stark contrast between his fancy slacks and the beer-stained - and probably smelly - material. I did notice that Father had cleaned the livingroom though. I guess he wanted to make a good impression. 

   'You must be the young Tomlinson!' The blonde man stood up and offered me a radiant smile, ear to ear, along with a handshake. 'I'm Niall Horan, pleased to meet you!'
   'Hi, I'm Louis.' I shook his hand and reluctantly took and seated myself next to Father on the couch. 

   'This is all a formality ofcourse, something you've probably heard from my colleague Styles last time.'
Father looked at me and raised an eyebrow. I failed to mention Harry chipped me and there had been an Official in his house. 'I can imagine it's a nerve-wracking process getting that chip, but I heard you did really well. Glad to see you're feeling better also!'

I wished the ground would swallow me up. How much did Niall know?This was not good. I heard Father stirring on the couch but I couldn't get myself to meet his eye. I could already imagine what was written across his face. Shock. Anger. Disgust.

Niall must've felt the tension because he cleared his throat and hurried on. 'So...Ehm...I'm here to check up on the family, how everybody's doing.'
   'What do you mean?' Father's voice sounded grim. I looked at him and I could see right then and there he wasn't happy. At all. 
   'I mean...Checking up on the tutoring,' he nodded at me, 'and ofcourse the parenting courses...' I saw him contemplating which to address first. He probably wanted to avoid Father's grumpy face cause he turned to me.
   'How's everything at school?'
I shrugged.  'Good...I guess?'
   'Are you getting the tutoring in the classes you're failing?'
   'Yes.'
   'Getting any positive results?' He put his teacup down, pulled out a small notebook and a pen and began scribbling.
   'Y- Yeah, I think so...'

He stayed quiet for a moment and took his time to write down a few things. He gave Father a quick look as if he remembered something and then asked the question I was hoping to avoid.
   'Is anyone bullying you?'
From his tone, I could tell Harry filled him in on his last visit. There was an assumption in it, and to make matters worse, he took the hesitation in my answer to give a grimace towards Father. 

   'Ofcourse not!' Father broke the tension with a laugh and an amicable slap on the shoulder. 'He would have told me if he was, wouldn't you son?' 
I fucked up. And I knew Father thought so as well because his hand was lingering too long on my shoulder and he squeezed it just a bit too hard for it to be just friendly banter.  
Niall probably noticed it as well, because he furrowed his eyes, gave Father an unwilling nod and scribbled on in his little notebook. I was fucked. 

   'Right. Mr Tomlinson? How are the parenting courses? Anything you've learned in the past week?' 
He might as well have pilloried Father. It was an obvious sneer, hidden behind an obvious fake smile. Niall was clearly getting agitated and I could feel myself getting smaller and smaller.
   'What?'
   'Anything you already want to change in your behaviour?'
I knew what was coming next.
   'Do you have something to say?' Father abandoned all politeness, with a face of thunder. Niall wasn't easy to scare though.
   'I don't know. Did I say something wrong?' Niall kept the smile plastered on his face, but with the way he clenched his jaw and his knuckles turned white around his pen, I knew he was pissed. Now I was certain he had a chat with Harry before coming here. Did he pity me? Poor teenager getting beaten by his father, too weak to defend himself? And now also getting Tagged?

It stayed quiet for a moment, the tension palpable. All I heard was that stupid kitchen tab dripping again.

   'Right, I think I overstayed my welcome.' Niall stood up and he moved towards me to shake my hand again. Out of courtesy I dragged myself out of the couch to face him, feeling vulnerable with my back turned to Father.
   'It was a pleasure to meet you, Louis Tomlinson. Did Mr Styles already gave you his card?' 
I hesitantly took his hand and shook my head. 'No...'

Niall reached inside his jacket pocket, pulled out a small business card and handed it over. 'Don't be afraid to call if you have any questions or need help with something.' He touched my arm, giving more meaning to the phrase. 'Seriously. Just call. Also, I think Mr Styles wouldn't mind it either.' He chuckled a bit but his face immediately shot to concern and shock when he saw my horrified, panicked face. 'I mean, you are a good lad, it's our job to keep in contact with you... School wise I mean.' He rambled on and turned a bit red. 'Right, again, pleased to meet you.' He quickly shook my hand again and turned to Father. 'Mr Tomlinson?' He extended his hand towards Father but he just gave Niall a death glare. Niall mumbled something, a bit embarrassed and nodded instead. 

The decent thing to do was walking the man to the door but Father stayed glued in his seat, fuming over this intruder in his house. I wanted to walk him out but my feet were glued to the ground, terrified of what would happen if he'd leave. Terrified of meeting the eyes of Father behind me.

The door slammed shut and we were alone. Niall was gone. And then I heard Father getting up from the couch. 

Sending Text message
From: Niall
To: Harry 
5:43 PM

H, I fucked up. Be ready.