Erotic Book Club (E.B.C) 2021

Confessions of a Vampire Priest (Feedback)

Disclaimer: All reviews are provided directly from the feedback form. None of the reviews have been edited or altered in any way by the hostesses. What you see is what we received.

Ninth book of the session: April 24th - May 7th, 2021

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Reviewer: JaszElise

Comments: My review on Confessions of a Vampire Priest: I only read 3 chapters, but I had to force myself to read the only 3 chapters because I was kinda confused on the second chapter when this Liana person was talking about men and their fragile egos. I couldn't tell what this story is about because I'm not a huge fan of fantasy stories. But what was confusing to me more is that the first chapter was rather depressing and sad. The male main character Khain described the cafe he was working was very gloomy and hard to understand because I don't know what happened during his time exploring with his friends. And the names were also confusing because I can't tell who is who either. The story itself didn't pull me in, so basically it's hard for me to understand the connection between the main character and the people around him. There were no grammar errors, but like I said I'm not really into the fantasy stories but I'll try since fantasy stories are more popular than the Vampire and werewolf stories I think. But thank you for letting me read your story though.

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Reviewer: Chantielu

Comments: The plot of the stories is interesting. The world of magic is always amazing and adventurous. However, there are a few things I would like to mention.

Okay, so in the first chapter, I would recommend you structure the first paragraph differently. The way it is now, makes it seem as if there is some text missing. You could also use a different first sentence, something that would attract your readers, and make them interested to read on.

An example of a first sentence: Our mission was a disaster.

The reader is going to want to know why was it a disaster and what was the mission?

You can also add more to make the sentence flow without causing confusion.

Eg. Our mission was a disaster. This adventure was by far the worse we had encountered. Therefore, we decided to stop at a cafe on our way back to the Order. We had to shake off the tragedy we experienced before our return. At least Mar had to. Out of all of us, our experience hit her the most.

The calmness of the cafe didn't seem to help her much. Mar's eyes were distant...

The sentences flow more and they provoke curiosity in the reader. Therefore, urging them to read on.

Though the first chapter was intriguing, there were a few things that could still confuse the reader. We, the readers don't know who the characters were. Yes, they were at a cafe, but not much was clear. For the first chapter, there are a few things that you can expose to your readers to avoid confusion. These include: Give an introduction to the character, Introduction to the world, Introduction to the theme, expectations.

However, some of these points were cleared later on in the chapters, it would be wise to give the reader a little more of a hint of it in the first chapter.

In the second chapter, when stating that the protagonists were observing Daal and Liana, I recommend you use describing words to show how he or the other characters 'looked' at the not-so couple.