Erotic Book Club (E.B.C) 2021

The Price of Love (Feedback)

Disclaimer: All reviews are provided directly from the feedback form. None of the reviews have been edited or altered in any way by the hostesses. What you see is what we received.

First book of the session: January 1st - 15th, 2021

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Reviewer: TypewriterRaine

Comments: So let me start by saying that I really enjoyed your book! I actually read it in just a couple hours lol.

So... strengths:

Dialogue--it came across very naturally.

Pace--I felt you had an excellent pace. I wasn't struggling to keep up, but my interest was perpetually piqued.

Weaknesses: 

 Cohesion--Some of the scenes were a bit jarring, especially when starting an intimate scene. Don't get me wrong--I write erotica, so it wasn't that you were too graphic. I just think that easing the reader into the scene could help your fluidity.

Characters--Now, this might just be a personal thing, but I didn't like Nate. I thought that it was going to be a character arc, and eventually I would at least understand him. But that didn't happen, and it affected my ability to fall into scenes where he was involved, scenes that were intended to be touching.

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Reviewer: Chantielu

Comments: I love the novel. The external conflict was superb. It had me intrigued until the very end. The first chapter sent me on a roller coaster ride. At first, I felt sorry for Sonia once she found out her husband was cheating. (Well, that was what I thought) Then when I realized she knew about his sexuality, I was somewhat confused. Why would she be upset if she knew he was gay? However, further down I got a clearer understanding. Yet, I was somewhat curious by the end of the chapter. Why did Nate tell her he loved her? Was it just a routine for them to say it? Or was it the 'I love you' friends always say to each other? Maybe you can at least point out that factor in Sonia's point of view. Let her readers know why they said I love you if they were friends. If you don't want to give every detail away, maybe you can leave more hints.

Although I must say, the third chapter was a relief for me. You gave the readers a sneak-peek into Nate's thoughts, and I was glad you did. It was necessary.

There was excess usage of the word that in certain sentences where it was not needed. In those sentences the word that was more like dead weight: it didn't add value to the sentence. I recommend cutting those. It helps to make the sentence much cleaner and precise. I did leave a few incline comments to help pinpoint where something needed change. I wasn't sure if that was allowed, so I was a bit light on it. 

Also, you can be able to use other verbs rather than said to indicate the type of dialogue. Eg. "I don't care who you are," Sarah enunciated. 

Rather than saying Sarah said, I used a word where I could describe how she said the dialogue. This also helps with showing the reader what's going on. Sarah is pronouncing each word clearly so they could understand. Whether it be a guy who she wanted to shoo away or it is a female brawl, you gave the reader a clear view of how she said it. 

Otherwise, from that, the novel is great. I couldn't stop reading. I love how you made the characters realistic, so readers can relate to them. Keep up the good work.