Mallory's Melody

Chapter 34

WHEN MALLORY ENDED THE CALL WITH WILLIAM, she was torn between crying out loud and ripping the clothes off her body. And seeing no conflict between those two actions — they were incited by the same emotion—she decided to do both of them. She cried out loud, her tears spilling from the fountain of happiness. She'd dreamt of this happening a bazillion times, and not one of those semblances of reality was comparable to this moment. They didn't fill her with the overwhelming fervour that she was trembling with now. They didn't send waves of pleasure rippling through her spine. They were figments of her imagination, poor attempts to live in a moment she'd thought she would never come to inhabit. She was living it now. She was going to be Starlight star.

Finally.

Mallory tried the rip her clothes off as she intended, but when she held the seam of her shirt and tugged hard at it, it still remained on her body. Disappointed, Mallory looked up at Jason, who was, with all his muscles and heft, definitely stronger than her. He was far more than capable of doing the ripping.

"Could you help?" Mallory asked, stretching her shirt out to him.

Wrinkles of confusion formed on his forehead. "To do what?"

"Tear my shirt," she said, feeling the warmth of embarrassment suffuse her checks.

Jason laughed out loud. "Tempting." He took a step back from her. "But I took a vow of celibacy years ago. Ripping your clothes off would definitely ruin that."

Mallory shrunk backwards in alarm. She should've seen that coming. She should've known that someone like Jason was incapable of decency. There was a devilish twinkle in his eyes, a sardonic smirk stretching the skin by his mouth, and she saw he was actually willing to rip her clothes off. The funny thing was that Mallory wanted him to. The inappropriate desire shocked a very innocent, unworldly part of her. But perhaps that was the nature of her feelings for him, perhaps it was so strong, it burnt her morality into the charred ashes of depravity.

"William called you," Jason said, his playful disposition suddenly melting into a glum seriousness. "What did he want?"

Mallory studied his eyes before responding. And the baleful promise of destruction she saw in them made her choose her words carefully. "He wanted me to be Starlight star." She said it with a matter-of-factness that belied the true nature of her emotions, the raw, ferocious pleasure she was feeling.

Jason's countenance dampened the moment she said that. He looked at her pitifully, as though it was more of a curse than a blessing that she was finally getting a shot at being a Starlight star again. Not many people who were eliminated were given the option of becoming Starlight star again. He should be happy for her. He should hug her, kiss her, be part of her joy. But all he did was stare at her dispassionately. It made her boil with rage.

"Is that it?" Mallory asked. "You're not going to say anything?"

"What do you want me to say?" Jason shrugged. "That it's awesome? Nice? I can't lie, Mal. I'm not happy for you. I'm scared, in fact."

"What rubbish are you saying?"

Jason sighed. "Don't you find it a little bit fishy that William called you the exact same time Diana was crying out loud for help. It's a little ominous, don't you think?"

Mallory couldn't believe what Jason was saying. She couldn't understand why he was so averse to her happiness. Why was he trying to discourage her from reaching her dreams?

"What's wrong with you?" Anger welled in her throat. "Why are you so bitter, Jace? Are you jealous or something?"

"No." Jason sighed. He reached out for her, but Mallory stepped away from him, dreading his touch. "Ok fine. It's nice that you're being Starlight Star again. Is that what you want to hear?"

"It's nice?" Mallory asked. His indifference stabbed a very sensitive part of her heart. "I'm going to be Starlight star, Jason! And all you can say is it's that's nice? This has been my dream since I was freaking seven."

"I'm not against it."

"Well, you're not fully supportive of it either," Mallory barked. "What's your deal?"

"Wait." Jason neared her, a searing emotion whirling in his hazel eyes. "What do you expect me to do? Jump around town shirtless, just so you would know that I'm happy for you?"

"But you aren't!"

Jason sighed, then shot her an apologetic look. He took both of her hands in his. "Look, I don't want to fight, Mal. I came here just so we could catch up on the time we've lost."

"Something's bothering you. Tell me what it is."

"It's Nothing."

"But I can see it in your—"

"You're seeing wrongly then!"

There was another stab in Mallory's heart. Jason always seemed to be holding a knife that she wasn't aware of and that, it seemed, he wasn't aware of either. He always stabbed her without consciously willing to do so and then looked shocked when he realised he did.

"I'm—"Jason neared her— "I'm sorry, Mal. I don't know what—"

"Don't touch me." Mallory yanked her arm from him. She cleared her throat and dusted her skirt. "I'll talk to you later."

He searched her face. "You're mad at me."

Mallory opened her mouth, about to deny it. But then shut it back. This had always been their major source of conflict, their unwillingness to be honest with each other, and although that came more from Jason's side, she still contributed to it. It was one thing to know someone had something to say and another to realise they didn't trust you enough to tell you that very thing. It hurt to realise that someone who you wholeheartedly and dangerously loved didn't trust you enough to be vulnerable.

"Yes. Yes, I am mad," Mallory said, swallowing the lump in her throat. Admitting that took a bit of her pride. "Why are you always like this, Jason?"

"Like what?"

Mallory shrugged. "You're always secretive. Always scared of something I don't know. You don't trust me."

"Do you trust me?" Jason asked, drawing his finger along her face.

"Yes," Mallory croaked. "Yes, I do."

"Then trust me enough when I say there are no secrets. None. Trust me enough when I say Starlight Academy is not good for you. Trust me enough when I say you shouldn't go back to that wretched organisation." The intensity in his eyes scared her. He seemed firm in his conviction that she shouldn't go back to Starlight, and yet he was being vague about his reasons. Vagueness was a primary indicator that a person was keeping a secret. Jason was hiding something from her.  Even the most unobservant person would see that he was. He avoided conversations of a certain depth, seldom made incomplete sentences, and always had this ambivalence shimmering in his eyes. She wasn't stupid enough to believe him, and quite frankly, she wasn't stupid enough to want to be with him.

"I want honesty, Jason." Mallory moved away from him. "What are you not telling me?"

Jason looked away from her, as though if he didn't, she would catch a glimpse of what he was hiding in his eyes. "It's nothing, Mal."

"Nothing, uh?"

Jason still didn't look at her. "Nothing."

"Okay then." Mallory stepped aside from him and began to walk away. With each step she took, the desperation in her grew, the urge to run back to him and apologise, even though she didn't know what exactly she was apologising for. She felt like she was leaving a part of her behind, as though her life would never be complete without Jason in it. She thrived on trust, and Jason wouldn't give her that. The cracks in her heart grew longer, grief trying to force its way out of it.

It wasn't worth it, she reminded herself. It wasn't worth investing in someone who wasn't willing to go all in.

Some other things, however, were more deserving of her attention.

"Hey, William, It's Mallory Trent. I was wondering if you were free now..."