Mallory's Melody

Chapter 32

THEY HAD TO CLEAN UP THE MESS THE PARTY HAD LEFT, and Mallory would be no part of it. She wouldn't take part in the picking of the plastic bags that littered the entire lawn, or in raking the millions of sticky food pieces that had somehow become mingled with the grass, or in scrubbing the profane words and images teenage delinquents had scribbled upon the white walls. Susan had said that it would be far from appropriate for her to do chores on her birthday, and Mallory had agreed to it, not interested in engaging in another tedious activity after the party.

But now she wished Susan had asked her to take part, to join Samantha and Allen in the cleaning. Because then she would've been close enough to listen in on their seemingly interesting conversation, be part of the humour they both shared. They laughed much more than they worked, touched more often that their rakes grazed the grass, and stared at each other in a way that far surpassed the seemingly unsurpassable sweetness in the chirping of the returning evening birds.

They brought feelings she hadn't felt in a long while. Jealousy and longing, both feelings that had manifested best at Starlight Academy. She felt jealousy at its strongest when she had to confront the reality that they were hundreds of violinists better than her and felt longing when she was with Jason Trevor. It was the longing that made her heart wrench the most, that feeling of yearning for something which you knew you could never have, that feeling that often accompanied love.

She constantly thought of him, of Jason, and it wasn't the kind of thinking that was done during your leisure time or when you were bored and needed an abstraction. It was the kind that was out of your control, that was repetitive and perpetual. It was always there, never dulling for a minute. Jason had become that constant on her mind, that part of Starlight Academy she hadn't been able to rid off. She'd rid of her dreams to be Starlight star and her vengeful desire to take it all out on Diana, but she still held on to Jason, even though the conditions were inconducive to holding on to him, even though the wind in her mind wanted to detach him from its roots. She still held on to him, stubbornly, a holding on that came with a sort of senseless hope, that maybe, maybe somehow it could work.

"Mal, you alright?" Samantha yelled out to Mallory. She hadn't realised a tear had rolled down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away.

"Yeah, I was just...thinking." Mallory smiled back, even though it was not in her to smile at Samantha. But there was something surprisingly agreeable about her today, some warm quality about her character that thawed the ice of hatred in Mallory's heart. She didn't shoot condescending remarks at Mallory as she used to, but only extended niceness. She smiled and laughed a lot today, in a way that made her look more humane, a certain quality she was sure Samantha lacked. But somehow, Allen's appearance today had transformed her. However permanent that transformation was, she didn't know. But she didn't care either. She'd never seen Samantha like this, so jovial and hearty, so—so in love. It made the future bright, made Mallory look forward to that idealistic future she'd always had, where she could have Samantha as a sister.

Mallory couldn't help but wonder if love made people more humane, if it softened character. Susan too had become nicer over the course of months, there was a new innocence in the glint of her eyes. Her tongue seemed to have lost the ability to ridicule and insult Mallory as it used to. What if the love she claimed to have for Cole had made her this new unrecognizable person. What if her love for him was genuine? She'd seen the way Susan sped out of the driveway to be near Cole after his chemotherapy, with a speed only used when someone wanted to come to the rescue of another they loved. She saw the sad promises of tears in her eyes. What was that, if not love?

Mallory turned to enter the house, mentally repulsed by the idea of accepting Susan as any more than a parasitical thing she had to learn to accommodate. She wasn't human to Mallory, would never be.