Deciding My Direction (on hold to edit)

Little Things

I sighed, looking through my phone again for the thousanth time. I had nothing to do for once. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It's an odd feeling and I'm not sure if I like it or not, but I really think I do. It's new, thats for sure. I'm used to doing homework and studying and work and cleaning and cooking... It's just... So awkward to not have a list of things I need to do.

As I passed through my contacts I stopped at one I hadn't used. Gus with one leg. I hadn't finished the book, no, but I understood the one leg bit. I had gotten to chapter three before he had come back to the table with cookies and hot chocolate. I liked it and kept reminding myself that I had to get it from the library.

Should I text him? Call him? He probably doesn't even remember me. I'm not memorable or anything like that... I should delete his contact before I do text him or so something stupid like that. But what if I run into him again and he mentions it?

Fuck, whats the chance in that anyway? I sighed and bit my lip, closing my phone and stuffing my face into my pillow before looking back up at my clock. One in the morning. I have school tomorrow. Monday, meaning school and waking up early and Reece and Brianna. And Kesslan, of course... Kesslan shoving me around and being the new center of my torment.

I let go of my lip, flinching slightly. My hands were shaking as I looked down at my stomach, pulling my shirt up to look at the bruises, tracing lines over them. What am I going to do? I'm pregnant. With Kesslan's baby. Of all people. Kesslan.

I dropped my shirt quickly when I heard fingers tapping at my window, my heart dropping as I jumped. I turned quickly, my heart racing as I looked outside my window without opening it. Then I saw the blonde hair at the bottom of my window, the rest of Niall hiding under it.

"Let me in!"

"What are you doing here? You can't be here." I snapped quietly, seeing his face pop into my window.

"I'll leave soon... I just... I need to talk to you..." Ni begged, his bottom lip sticking out a little and pain coating his eyes. I bit my lip, my face softening as I nodded, pushing the window up and scooting so he could climb into the bed. While I moved I knocked my blade and bandages off the bed and onto the floor, hearing them smack against the wall.

"Whats wrong? What happened?" I asked, balling my fists into my sleeves.

"I just... I need to talk to you. We need to talk."

Immediately I began to panic. Oh god, he's telling me he's done with me. He knows. oh my god he knows. Lou told him about the baby. Oh my god, oh my god. Oh my freaking god.

"I uhm... Look... I just..."

"I'm sorry. For whatever I did. I'm sorry." I rushed, interrupting him and blushing as I did so. He let out a shaky breath and sighed.

"You didn't do anything... I just... Dammit."

"What is it? You can tell me anything." I told him, attempting to comfort him. He just looked so upset...

"And you can tell me anything too." Nialler told me as soon as I said it. My breath caught in my throat and I shrugged a little. Oh my god he does know. Oh my god, he knows. He's going to hate me forever.

Oh my god I'm going to be sick.

"I know..." I choked out, closing my mouth quickly and biting my lips together so I wouldn't say anything or throw up or something.

"Poppy... I... Fuck, princess." Ni whispered to me, his arms wrapping around me tightly and hugging me to him, his lips pressing into my clothed shoulder over and over. My eyes were wide and I tried to stutter out some type of response to him. "Shh. Just. I'm sorry."