Time Can Heal (But This Won't) A Darkling Series

Chapter Eight: Return to Me

 You will never have your friend back, will you? You can see it in the way Alina walks, the way she clings to Mal even when you're all alone in the surrounding countryside. You can tell by the hitch in her footsteps when you draw near, or the rattle of her breath whenever you so much as look her way. She sees Y/N Stassov no more, disillusioned by the same spell that saved her skin. No, Alina Starkov sees no fellow mapmaker or friend. Instead, her other traveling companion appears to be no more than a witch, a demon, something that cannot be trusted. It's a far cry from the friendship you once shared.

You can't say you blame her. It's not every day that you find out a girl you thought was a mere farmer's daughter is actually a half goddess who's been alive for centuries. It's not exactly an easy conversation topic, or something you can bring up casually and never mention again. Alina is like most mortals, mind already stretched thin from trying to move past the Darkling's treachery. This new discovery, even if it can only help her, comes off more as a betrayal.

That being said, this new lack of trust can only serve to hinder the party. You, Alina, and Mal have to get away from Os Alta and the Little Palace, out of the Darkling's reach and into the realm of Morozova's stag before your lead runs out. You speak from experience: no matter how long or how far you try to flee from the Darkling, he will always find you. Even a witch's daughter cannot last forever, so a group of three with sharp divides cannot bode well.

Eventually, your patience runs out and you corner Alina by the rough campfire as she sits, tending the few sparks Mal has allowed while the sun is still dusky and can neither expose the sharp light of a fire nor the thin tendril of smoke drifting up to the sky. Mal is out hunting for the few small game animals in his path; he'll likely not be back for a while longer, or at least until he senses that you're talking to his childhood love and he feels the need to protect her once more.

Alina stiffens up as you sit down beside her, although she still clings to the pretense of not seeing anything wrong with you and so she remains in place, even as her shoulders rise and tense as if carrying a weighty burden. You click your tongue, mildly bothered. "You are going to have to trust me at some point, you know that. We won't last for long out here if you keep acting as if I'm a stranger who's going to stab you in the back at any moment."

Alina sighs. "I know, and I'm sorry, it's just- I feel like I don't know you any more. I mean, the Hellenids are only from the myths. I trusted you with my life, and now I'm finding out that you've been lying to me all along. It's like I have no idea who you are." Your expression slowly falls to mirror her own glum countenance. "I'm still me. That never changed, I just hid the spells. I followed you when we found out you were a Sun Summoner, didn't I? This is the same thing. I'm not a different person, I just have abilities."

Alina shakes her head fervently. "This is different. I didn't know I could summon sunlight or that I was a Grisha at all. I thought I was a normal person, and you knew all along that you'd been living for centuries and had all sorts of powers. How can you ask me to trust you if you didn't trust me at all? I mean, you could have told me that you had some sort of magic, but you kept it hidden."

The betrayed edge in her voice grates on your nerves, and you find your throat coating over with bitterness. "I didn't tell you because I know what it would mean for me. I was there when my mother died at the hands of your Ravkans. Have you ever seen a goddess die, Alina? It is not something any of us were truly meant to witness. She hid me away so they couldn't find me. I was there to watch them stab her through the throat, and I was there to glimpse her last breath. The earth shook and rattled like it would tear itself apart, and my spells were the only thing stopping me from being swallowed up by the sea like the rest of the islands. We were the last of our race, my mother and I, and the Ravkans brutally killed her because they were jealous of her might. This is what happens to witches like me, Alina, they are killed by those who don't understand them. There is no telling of secrets unless you wish to die."