Time Can Heal (But This Won't) A Darkling Series

So, Before You Go Chapter Three: Forgiveness is a Difficult Fire to Burn

At the beginning of a new age, not the start of the world but the start of theirs, a goddess named Hera wed herself to Zeus, king of the gods. She was a proud and powerful queen, capable of everything except keeping Zeus' focus on her. She declared herself goddess of marriage, and her husband grew famous for his exploits amongst the mortals. How ridiculous, to think that being the only creature remotely close to your lover would be enough to guarantee you their loyalty.

Even after the days fade into one another, even after swearing to Aleksander that you would not let Poseidon's visit trouble your thoughts any longer, you cannot stop yourself from thinking of that day on the sea. By all accounts, it should be impossible. Dead gods cannot trouble the living, but yet Poseidon did just that anyway.

If Poseidon can do it, what is to stop the rest from claiming fragments of your time? There are a dozen major gods in the pantheon, plus countless minor deities and spirits. If they could rally the energy to make their voices heard from across the Styx and up to you, there is no telling how often you would be haunted, nor how long it would take until you cave to their demands and change your course.

You do not wish to change your course, however. This is your war, bloody and brilliant as it is. No one made a world that would be safe for you. Not even your mother, who fought to keep you hidden until the very day she died. You will make the world that they cannot, and it will be wonderful, and all those children who grow up magical will never fear those who do not understand them.

Alina is alive, of this you are now certain. David knew it, too, or he wouldn't have run. They must know. Aleksander's visions are strong enough that he is certain as well. He seems to visit her every day. Almost every time you stop by his study, his eyes are shut tight as he whispers things to her that you cannot hear.

At first, you encouraged the visions to continue. This is the best way to gather intelligence on the movement of Alina's followers, how many they are and what strength they possess. As the days go on, however, you start to regret how cavalier you were in addressing the visions. It is not a foreign idea for any Hellenid to experience jealousy; in fact, it's practically a treasured trait amongst its heroes and gods, but that does not mean you have to like it.

Alina, after all, is something young and new and interesting. She defied Aleksander. She wields power with a hand that grows more capable by the day. If you didn't know better, you'd say that she reminds you of yourself.

Is that really such a terrible thing to admit? The more you think about it, the more your thoughts settle on the truth. You met Aleksander when he still had something to hide from you: namely, the fact that he was the same Black Heretic who created the Shadow Fold. In that vein, he had an advantage over you, that of a secret well kept. Both of you were more powerful than any around you, and both of you had a type of power that no one else had ever used in recorded history. Alina summons the sun whereas you summon magic, but it is the same thing in the end.

Even Alina's method of meeting Aleksander for the first time has much in common with yours. You'd met Aleksander when you were both trying to keep a low profile from otkazat'sya soldiers who wanted Grisha dead. Alina was nearly murdered by distrustful Fjerdans on her way to the Little Palace. In fact, foiling one of those attempts to take her life was how you ended up on Aleksander's radar the second time around.

Aleksander is manipulating Alina at this very moment, all in the interest of regaining strength and control over Ravka. Did he manipulate you, then? Yes. The question is if he is still doing it.

You sit alone in your study, attempting to focus on reports detailing Alina's potential location without much success. There is a dusty mirror propped up against the opposite wall, and your eyes flicker to it. You wear a different face now than you did all those years ago, Ravkan instead of Hellan, but it is still you, just as Aleksander is still himself. Can he really change all that much? Can you?