You asked me if I was okay and told you it's alright. I put on my fake smile and laughed through the night.
But when you can't see me I burst into tears, the fake happiness from my face disapeares.
No I'm not okay, nothing is right. I feel my anxiety in my head turning off the light.
I can't think straight or just be normal, you have to realize it that I'm too just a mortal.
My body and mind is hurting inside. Am I really enough? I can't decide.
He doesn't love me anymore it was just a quick flame. It went out as soon as it become more than a game.
And I try to forgive him because it is not his fault I'm hard to love. And I know that I'm a hard one to get rid of.
And that fucking social anxiety of mine that only I know about. If I metion it to anyone they tell me I'm just dramatic no doubt.
But they have no idea what I'm going through every single day. The constant worrying about what will the other people say.
The hell I can't even eat infront of anyone but my family, without being ashamed because of my anxiety.
All day my mind is racing, creating plan Z-s if anything bad happens atleast I have these.
I'm always tired and can never properly rest, sometimes I'm wondering is this all just a test.
To know if I deserve a good life with no stress and fear. To earn everything that to me is dear.
Because nothing is for free as we all know. Why would life be the exception. I think it's for show.
Living is the most valuable thing a person can receive. Shouldn't we atleast get it with a receipt?
So we can take it back and change it to something new, or have a refund when all is wrong we do.
But back to my original point I can't understand, what did I do to deserve this quicksand. -
Under my feet. It can suck me in in anymoment now, drowning me until I finally bow, -
Infront of the will of other's as they want to put their tags on me. And add more and more until they can't even see the real we.
For them the tags are more important than getting to know the other. Some even tag their own mother.
Gay, Black, Asian, and more are the labels we're getting. Who told them that being white and straight was the factory setting?
Why do we get judged after our skin color or who we love? Is this really what God wants up above?
I thought he loves all his children no matter what, then why the hell we gay people are the but?
All we did was love who we are attracted to. This is our horrible crime. This is true.
And even if you don't think it's a crime, you're not helping us most of the time.
"You are just confused don't worry". Is what you say when a boy's clothes are too "girly".
Who gave gender to the clothing we wear? Is this really the biggest matter now? Why do we care?
Everyone should wear what they're most comfortable in. And don't hate on people with the LGBTQ pin.
They are just proud of it as they should be.
We can accept them. Can we?
A/n: the first few lines sound like a depressed Billie Eilish song lol
