Zombie Story

Chapter Four

Chapter Four- This isn't your fault (Day One)

"I'm sorry, It happened so fast. It was the Blue Moon Gang."

I expected a slap to my face. I expected her to blame me, after all, this was all my fault. But she didn't know that I suppose because instead she embraced me sobbing, "No. This can't be real."

I returned her embrace because what else could I do. "Heather, I'm so sorry." I wanted to scream that this was my fault I wanted to tell her everything. But that would only complicate things more, "Ethan was bitten and the sergeant must've assumed Zach was too. I barely escaped," I mumbled trying to explain.

"The sergeant was the one who killed them?" Heathed asked, pained, crying harder. My delivery truly was awful, but was there ever a good way to give this kind of news?

"I'm so sorry, Heather," I whispered. I'm sorry. It seemed to be words I've been saying a lot, but I didn't know what else to say.

Heather sniffed, her light blue eyes were watery but her crying had stopped. "I can't let my daughter see me like this." I was shocked by the statement. Daughter? She looked maybe 19, she must've had her young. I hadn't seen any children, but I was barely in the house. She let out another sob, leaning onto me for support. I felt so helpless. All I could do was mumble my apologies and embrace her. Heather wiped her eyes, her breathing level now, "How did you escape? Did you bring the supplies, the food? Are you okay?"

I dropped my head down in shame, "I'm fine. The guys, I mean Ethan and Zach, they had the food. I was carrying the ammo and gas in my bag...I'm sorry" another way to dissapoint Heather.

Heather didn't seem to notice that I hadn't answered her first question and instead hugged me tighter, "It's okay this isn't your fault." Zachs words haunted me. I could almost hear his voice, whatever happens there is on you. I simply nodded.

A figure popped in through the door interrupting us. A little girl, she looked no bigger than three perhaps four. Her head peeked in. She was the spitting image of Zach. Wide blue eyes framed by locks of blonde hair peered anxiously from Heather to me to back to Heather, "Mommy, where's daddy?"

Heather scooped the little girl up, hugging her tightly, "Daddy's on a mission," She started off her voice cracking, "He's on a very important mission with Uncle Ethan. But they're safe, Alice, baby. That's all that matters."

I walked hesitantly inside leaving them to have their moment in the garage. I took a deep breath. I couldn't cry right now, not with everyone here. It was my first time looking at the people walking by. Children and elderly made up the majority of the group, but a few strong older men and women as well as youthful people my age were a part of the group. Not enough though. I had no idea where to go, the sun was starting to set and I suddenly realized how exhausted I was.

After a few minutes of just standing there, Heather walked in sniffling, Alice by her side. She couldn't stop the tears falling from her eyes and instead turned to the little girl clinging to her leg, "Baby why don't you head up to my room, I'll be there in just a sec." The little girl seemed hesitant to leave her mother, especially confused on where her father and uncle were and why her mother was crying, but she slowly made her way up stairs, peering back down every couple of steps.

Heather embraced me instantly, sinking into me in despair. I stood frozen for a second before I wrapped my arms around her neck, cradling her head on my shoulder. Silence. No one was bothering us, no one asked what's wrong. Then again, Heather was a quiet crier, to anyone on the outside perhaps it just looked like she was welcoming me back warmly. Regardless, it was just me and Heather by the stairwell in silence.

I didn't pull away until she did. That's what you're supposed to do, right? Wait for the other person to let go first? Once Heather broke away, she spoke, "Its um getting late, huh. You can stay in Ethan's room, I'm sure he wouldn't mind," she whispered, "Alice will stay in my room instead of the kids room for tonight..it'll be so empty without Zach."

I nodded my head, there was nothing I could say right now that would fix the situation. The situation I had second handedly caused. I followed Heather upstairs and down the hall to a door near the very end. Heather nudged the door open, "Ethan had his own room so you don't need to worry about roommates. Make yourself at home. We have a run tomorrow for food so get some rest."

A run? When Ethan and Zach had just been killed? I guess the apocalypse didn't wait for anyone. I didn't say this of course, instead I whispered, "Okay. Thank you Heather."

Once Heather retreated to her own room, to finally actually cry and mourn her losses I assume, I opened the door and closed it behind me before flopping onto the bed, not bothering to change after such a long day. The sheets smelled just like Ethan. I never realized how comforting his smell was. What if we never went on the run today? He'd be in this bed. Not me. I couldn't bare this guilt.

I need a distraction. I looked around the room. The room was pretty bare besides a few paintings that seemed to have been here since before Ethan. The closet was small but it's not like Ethan had very many clothes. A journal on top of a small desk caught my attention. I heaved myself up and looked down at the book, already flipped to the most recent page. It was from earlier today. While I was showering, I assume.

××/××/20××,
We have a new member in our group. She saved my life the moment I met her, literally. It's funny, I don't even know her name yet, but there's something about her. She's special, I just know it. She'll change this group. Heather's calling for me and I have to hand out the supplies anyways but I'll write more about her after the run I have with Zach.
Ethan

I slammed the book shut. I couldn't do this. Not right now. Not today. I flung myself back onto the bed and shut my eyes. I couldn't bare to look at his clothes or at his books or even smell his bed sheets. It all reminded me of him. And how I failed him. Didn't I promise him he'd be okay?

He didn't even have any real last words, he didn't even have a chance. If I had just listened to Zach he would be alive right now, both of them. Sure he would be armless but he'd be alive. And if I had listened to Zach when he said to leave the man, he would've been alive with two arms. I wasn't fit to be a leader. Why do these people all trust me so blindly? I have no doubt that Ethan would've trusted me with his own life. I guess in a way he already had. Every decision I've made led to someone getting hurt. Worse than hurt, killed.

No, I couldn't allow myself to think like this. It would just be never ending hole of guilt and sadness. At the hospital I saved both of them, Heather and Ethan. I made that decision. And because of that, Alice has a mom. And Ethan lived a little bit longer. And the old people got their medicine. I repeated this to myself as I went to sleep. I saved them. Me. I saved them.

"I'm not a failure. I'm not. I didnt fail them" I whispered to myself as sleep started to overtake me.

"Except, I did."