WinTeam Week 2020

The Words I Cannot Say

Team's relationship with Win goes from "sex only" to "holy shit I'm in love with him". Except that Win doesn't return the favor and now there's a fucking tree growing in Team's chest and he might die.

Fuck.

prompt: Hanahaki Disease 

Ooo

When it starts, Team thinks it's simply a cold that's occupying his chest. He's not a stranger to the common cold; he's spent hours in the pool, training and working hard, only for it to backfire on him and have him slumped in bed with fever chills.

The symptoms now are pretty much the same: mild discomfort in his chest where the phlegm resides waiting to be hacked out, shortness of breath and a slight cough. The strangest symptom is the slight stinging near his heart but Team chalks that up to heartburn and drinks half a bottle of Gastro-bismol to counter the effects.

It's only when he's hacking over in his room, struggling to breathe and wondering why the fuck this cold has been going on for so long that Team thinks that shit, maybe this isn't heartburn .

And when he finally dislodges the phlegm in his throat and it turns out to be a pale pink petal covered in blood that Team thinks that holy shit this sure as fuck is not heartburn .

God, he wishes it was heartburn. Heartburn is so fucking easy to solve.

But no. Team never could do things the easy way. No, he had to go and fall in love with the man he's been fucking for months. The man he'd been seeing for sex only.

Except that sex only turned into Win sending him small smiles as he sets a plate of Team's favorite lunch in front of him. Sex only turned into tutoring sessions at the library, into soft glances and equally soft touches under the table, into forehead kisses in the convenience store and hands squeezing his waist. Sex only turned into Team seeking Win out for safety from his nightmares and the reminders of his dead brother.

Sex only turned into Team falling in love with Win and Team hates himself for that.

Because how could he have thought that he was special? That he was worth anything to Win? Perhaps he isn't completely to blame; Win treated him as more than just a notch on his bedpost.

But then Team sees Win in the library with another student; a girl from his year who's name Team cannot remember and Win's smiling that same soft smile ( no that's Team's smile - not for anyone else - no ) and squeezing her shoulder and Team finds himself unable to breathe.

He's not worth anything to Win and that's that. Team's not so shameless to beg Win for more, especially since Win had made it clear their very first time that he wasn't looking for something serious. Back then, Team understood and he'd agreed. It was just sex.

Now he hates himself for forgetting that fundamental rule and he thinks he hates Win even more for making him forget that.

But in the light of the early morning sun, when Win is still fast asleep and his hair is splayed over the pillow and he's got one hand tucked under his cheek...on those mornings, Team watches him quietly with the urge to cough growing in his chest and he knows it's a lie. He doesn't think he could ever hate Win. Not even now.

He doesn't tell anyone of course, not even his parents. This is his cross to bear and Team refuses to let anyone shoulder his problems. He goes to class, he goes to practice and tries very hard not to let his reduced lung capacity hinder him in the pool. Some days it's a close thing where Team feels that urge to cough and he barely makes it into the changerooms and behind a closed stall before he's hacking his lungs into the toilet and spitting out blood soaked petals.