The Situation

THREE

Cole and I decided we wanted to get to school early, so we plan on leaving early tomorrow. The apartment is a done deal, I have everything ready for it, paperwork wise. I came home late two days ago. In the mornings I put on some foundation and went into the living room looking for mom. She was in the kitchen starting breakfast for her and the boys. She heard me walking and spun around to face me, her eyes quickly scanning me from head to toe, looking for marks. When she doesn't see any, she walks over to me with glassy eyes and hugs me. I tense my body and keep my arms glued to my side. We stand there for a few minutes, until I hear her sniffle, I rigidly move my arms to hold on her and move my hand up and down to comfort her in any way I can, even if it is very uncomfortable to me.

"I'm alright mama," I whisper in her ear. She starts to cry harder at my words. She carries a lot of guilt for what happens to me. She is a mother; her job is to protect us. Life handed her a shitty hand of cards. I know that she has tried with everything she has to get us out of this hell hole, but Sal threatens he'll take the boys away and never come back. Mom and I would walk straight into hell for those boys to be safe, there is no way we'd allow that. Sal has connections in the police department, so we have no way out.

"I'm so sorry," her voice is full of shame and regret. I pull her away from me and hold eye contact and speak in a stern voice, so she knows I'm being honest.

"Never apologize for what He does, you did nothing wrong. I don't blame you; I blame Him. Okay?" I have no idea what I need to say to her for her to believe me. We have talked about this at length in the past, we said all there needs to be said. I never yelled at her because of the situation or talked her down, I knew she was trapped just as I am.

"I'm proud of you Bella," she tells me. What is she proud of that I did, I did nothing but cry like a baby and not fight back? There's nothing for her to be proud of.  She sees my confused expression and smiles a little. She lifts up her hand to tuck my hair behind my ear, I slightly flinch. "You don't know how strong you are, my love. I'm just so happy you'll finally be free." That was a loaded and heavy statement.

"I don't wanna leave y'all here alone with him mama," I take a shaky breath, "it's breaking my heart leaving you behind." My emotional dam is about to burst and explore if we keep talking about this.

"Don't worry about me, love, I can manage. I'll call you if something bad happens." Now she comforts me, just as I start pulling away from her. "I love you, don't ever forget that."

"I know mama," I reply with the same response I always do. She nods her head at this, and we both finish up breakfast.

Cole's pickup is loaded to the max with all of our shit, he packed more clothes than I did. But then again, he has more interests in fashion than I do. After saying goodbye to my brothers, I head over to mom. She hugged me like it was gonna be the last time she would be able to. I'm not very good at physical touch, it makes me super uncomfortable unless it's a child. I'm all tense and on red alert when I'm in her arms, I slowly start pulling away from her. I put a wad of cash in her hand and make sure the boys don't see it, just in case they tell Sal.

"Call me if you need anything, promise me mama," I will beg if I have to. She nods. I have already explained to her I will send her cash to help with bills. All she needs to do is look for a light blue envelope that looks like a bill and not return address. Just in case it gets in the wrong hands.

Cole and I leave my house, I don't know if I'll ever get to see it again. The house is no longer in view, most of the tension in my body relaxes, I can breathe easier. I half expected Sal to pop up anytime, which was so fucking stressful. I'm still looking over my shoulder expecting to see his truck following us. Cole grabs my hand where it's placed on my leg only to bring my hand to his mouth and leave a kiss on my knuckles, causing me to flinch, which I don't think Cole noticed. "You ready for our new adventure?" His whispers.