The Situation

SEVEN

Bella POV

            The sunlight seeps through my window, my eyes aren't open yet, but I can feel the warm heat blanket over my body, making me smile. I like to keep my curtains open so I can feel the morning sun giving me a sense of safety, I made it to see another day. I keep the window open at night to feel the breeze and see all the beautiful stars. There's something about the stars I have always admired.

There are so many stars in the night sky, but each night the stars are never in the same place. It's always changing, always moving, but they always come back when night comes. The stars make me feel less alone in the world, they don't judge me, they see me as I am and still shine bright. I know that when I'm looking up at the sky someone somewhere is looking up at the stars as well, it's less lonely that way.

I'm lonely.

There are people who experience far worse than I have and are strong enough to see the light. I feel lucky and grateful I get to see the light the stars create every night, not everyone is that lucky. It's said that when a star gets too old, they explode in the sky leaving a trail of dust behind. Something so horrible creates something so gorgeous, the dust collects and creates new stars, it's just magical.

The stars have always been a constant in my life, they have so much meaning to me, they've become my security blanket.

I move my right hand and hover my fingers over the north star tattoo on my other hand. My tattoos have meaning to me, they don't make sense to others, which is fine with me.

In my hometown people who have tattoos are viewed as junkies or crackheads, the type of people that make you walk on the other side of the sidewalk. The town is very closed minded, and they treat people by what they look like or by last name. The popular or well-known and well-liked people get put on a pedestal; they can do no wrong while the others get treated like dirt.

Unfortunately, Sal has the last name people love, so in their eyes he can do no wrong. I have been told an ungodly number of times how lucky I am that he saved mom and me and how grateful I should be. The only thing I'm grateful I am is getting the hell away from there.

The North Star tattoo on my hand was my first tattoo and probably my favorite, it might be my favorite because it hurt the least. My family is very conservative and religious, we attend mass every Sunday, the North Star is a big part of how the wise men found Jesus. The north star to me shows direction and hope, not just in my religion. I had no direction in my life, until I moved here. I'm lost and have no idea where to go. I did my tattoos for me and me only.

I keep my eyes closed and think about what happened last night. Last night was a great night, the party was one of the best nights I've had in a long time. I let loose last night. I remember dancing with people and actually letting Libby touch me. It was exhilarating to not worry about acting normal with people trying to touch me.

Cole and I danced forever, I embarrassed myself in front of so many people, but I had fun doing it, so it didn't bother me. I turn around to look for my vape and grab the phone. It was 8 o'clock, I slept in and had a peaceful night. This is the first night I slept through the night in months. This place is going to be good for me, I can only go up from here.

I finally got out of bed after lying in bed for a little while to take a shower and use the bathroom. I let the water warm up before I start taking off my clothes. I'm feeling good today, so I make sure to keep my back to the mirrors. I lather my hair with some shampoo and rinse, then put conditioner on my hair and rinse my hair again. I take the blue washcloth and work the soap into it then scrub my body and face then stand under the warm water until all the bubbles swirl down the drain. I rotate the water facet until the water stops raining down and pull the curtain back.