Never Let You Go, Again

19: An Empty Bed and A Soup

Wei Wuxian woke up to the smell of soup. "Shijie?"

He sat up, knees crossed, and hastily looked around the room. Where was he? His hands brushed against two pillows, making him look down. One had a beautiful design of lotuses, while the other was plain, but radiated a strong fragrance, which Wei Wuxian realised was all over the room. Sandalwood.

"Oh? Jingshi? Why is my mind all cloudy?" Wei Wuxian muttered, ruffling his head. Wasn't he somewhere else just now? He clutched his head, gripping his fingers into his hair. Shouts. Screams. Swords clashing. Cultivators wailing. Black smoke drifting everywhere. Blood. Shijie's blood.

"Shijie..." He mumbled under his breath, calling out softly.

But amidst all that, one man in white, attacking, clearing Wei Wuxian's way when all others ran to kill him. Whose side was he on? Both? He was attacking. And yet, protecting. What was going on? Wei Wuxian forced himself to remember, digging his fingers into his scalp. White clothes. Jade face. "Lan Zhan!"

The recalling of this one special man brought back everything that happened to him. Scenes of his life flashed by, from Shijie's death, to his own death, to his rebirth, to Jin Ling, to Cloud Recesses, to Jin Guangyao, to A-Yuan, to the hilltop farewell, to the marriage, to the fight at Koi Tower. He stopped at the trip to Dafan Mountain to call back Chenqing, and arriving here by sword. Hm... Why don't I remember beyond getting on Bichen? Must have fallen asleep.

So it was all a dream. Real, but a dream. Wei Wuxian sourly laughed at himself, grinning at his own irony. He got out of bed to stretch, and noticed that his face felt itchy. Bringing his hands to his face, he was shocked by the dampness. Water. Salt. Sweat and tears. Again. He better find a way to stop the nightmares.

Suddenly, terror struck him. Shijie's soup was here, obviously made by his darling. But where was his darling? "Lan Zhan? Lan Zhan!" He kept calling out, searching all around the Jingshi. But Lan Zhan was nowhere to be found.

Wei Wuxian panicked. Of course, he told himself, Lan Zhan would probably have gone to work. Interrogate. Teach. Study. With each idea, Wei Wuxian's mind grew more and more unstable. Lan Zhan had always managed to be there when he woke up, precisely at nine in the morning. He would sit by his side, stroking his hair, waiting to feed the soup while he was sick, or just watching. Why wasn't he here today?

Maybe the nightmare is making me panic. Calm down, Wei Ying, calm down... He thought, stroking his chest. For some reason, Wei Wuxian felt like he was about to lose his life any moment now.

He walked over to the table, hyperventilating, skin growing paler and paler. He breathed in the aroma of the lotus root and pork rib soup. Despite it having very few spices, Wei Wuxian's eyes began to fog up.

"NO!" He shouted to himself. "No, A-Zhan is here somewhere. Study!" He thought, dashing out of the Jingshi.

While he ran to Lan Wangji's study, back in the Jingshi, a breeze toppled over the bowl on the table. The dish crashed, pieces of shattered porcelain scattering everywhere as the soup glided across the wooden floor.

**********

"LAN ZHAN! LAN ZHAN!" Wei Ying cried as he burst into the study and then, the library. Both were empty.

He sprinted over to the Hall, heart pounding, the veins in his ears throbbing as blood filled with adrenaline and terror pulsed through him. "LAN ZHAN!" He shouted at the top of his lungs, bursting through the large doors.

Which was something he usually need not do. Usually, the doors to the Hall would be wide open from when the Lans woke up at five to when they went to sleep at nine. Strangely, for once, they were shut. But of course, this would have been a warning to a more conscious Wei Ying.