Wolfsbane // Neville Longbottom

Chapter 10: Shame

Avoiding Neville was harder than she had expected it to be. He had obviously noticed her change in mealtimes and had waited for her at the Great Hall, so now she ate in her office. He knew her class times, so he would sometimes wait at her classroom, leaving her trapped inside. He obviously knew where her office was and came by often, knocking on her door, begging to talk.

Of course, she wanted to talk to Neville. So so badly. Part of her did anyway. But the other part of her did not want to. Not today, not now. She wasn't sure when. She wasn't sure if ever. Every day that passed made her feel more embarrassed and heightened the wall she had to climb over to be courageous enough to talk to him. She did want to.

She just didn't know what to say to him.

She knew what he was going to say. "I'm so sorry for kissing you, I won't do it again." What would she say to that? Because she wanted him to kiss her again. She wanted it so badly. Her whole body was aching for him. Her lips felt cold and they were missing his.

But she couldn't. She couldn't kiss him. She couldn't explore this crush she had developed on him but had tried so hard to push away. They couldn't explore the attraction they apparently both felt between them.

She was a werewolf and that was that. Today out of all days would prove why they wouldn't work. Why one day Neville would decide he couldn't be with a monster like her. Why she had to cut it off before it would hurt them both even more.

Luckily in November, the full moon fell on a Saturday, leaving her with an excuse to stay in her office all day long. It was already noon and she was still in bed, reading a book to try to distract herself.

She was trying hard to concentrate on the words but it was hard. It had been hard to concentrate for a week and a half now. Every time she tried to focus Neville would spook through her mind again.

The way he protected her from the snowballs, the way he smelled, the way his heart raced whenever she complimented him or grabbed his arm, the way his cheeks always flushed red, the sound of his laugh, the feeling of his lips on her.

She was in deeper than she had thought. Sure, she had noticed that her heart would flutter whenever he smiled at her, that she always made sure to eat at the same time as him, that she felt warm inside when he walked her to her classroom after breakfast, that she felt sad if they didn't have time to spend the evening together.

She had noticed some small things but now she noticed the bigger things too. 

Her cheeks would flush red whenever he complimented her too. Her heart fluttered whenever he was around her. Her ears were alert, just hoping to hear his voice or even better, his laugh. Her eyes wouldn't stop looking around the room until they met his. Her knees were weak whenever he hugged her and his lips would brush past her ear. Her stomach filled with butterflies at the sound of his name.

Her body was aching for him. It was as if she was grieving him though she knew he was right there with her. In the same building, sometimes only feet away, begging to talk. Her mind was just pulling her back, telling her that he deserved better, anyone but her. Because with her came a wolf and who deserved to be with a wolf?

Just like every other day the past week and a half, Neville knocked on her door at half an hour past twelve. He would knock a few times, ask to talk and then leave the plate of food he brought for her in front of her door. He wasn't giving up just yet.

"Cass?"

His voice was soft and gentle. She stood in front of the door, one hand resting on the doorknob. She wasn't sure what was getting into her today but her body seemed to be overpowering her mind. After the first knock, she had sprinted towards the door but now she had been standing there for two minutes, listening to him calling out for her while her hand rested on the doorknob.