You're Who I Longed For (slow updates)

Chapter Five: Sunset

First came his sense of smell.

Hospital smell, like needles and mint and uncomfortable chairs.

Then hearing.

Beeping, loud beeping, constantly.

Eventually, he regained his sight. His vision came in slowly and he saw it was late at night.

Kel sat up, rubbing his eyes. There was nobody around and it was deathly silent except for the machine monitoring him. He felt dizzy and a little bit sick but he was alive.

Where is everyone? He was so confused. Did they leave him here by himself? Were they going for a bit? There was only one basket next to him. He tried to read the note but it just said ' To Kel', with nothing on the inside. Vaguely he recognised the flowers since Basil used to try and teach him what they meant. White Chrysanthemums and Hyacinth. He couldn't remember what they meant, so he lay back down and stared at the ceiling, thinking about how weird this was.

All while a stranger watched from the corner, with shining white eyes.

—

In Sunny's dream, there was a strong feeling of loneliness, hopelessness, of longing. Of burying himself deep into the literature to remove him from the outside world.

In Sunny's dream, he understood the utter lack of motivation and the disgust he felt. The taste of bitter coffee in his mouth. Wanting to find someone to love him because he's just so tired of knowing people who hate him. So tired, in fact, he's lived out every scenario to do with them. He's just a doormat for everyone around him. He slinks into the background, giving advice without needing to be asked. Trying, trying, but failing. He doesn't need anything anymore.

In Sunny's dream, he knows one person out there despises him and he doesn't care about it. He writes long dark stories about his life. Every night he cries himself to sleep when he's alone.

In Sunny's dream, he's unsure of what to do. He doesn't know where to turn. He's everyone's therapist. He knows one person who helps him with his problems and they have enough going on as is. He's lonely in a deep longing way.

In Sunny's dream, he's done with life's cruelties. He's done with human cruelties. He's done with everyone. This is it for him. It doesn't feel real, standing here, in this house. On this roof. He's not planning on jumping, he tells himself. He's just looking. He told them he loves them but he isn't sure. It's not that he feels sad, it's that he's bored. So very bored. What is there to do, really? It's safe when it's over. Death is assured. But nothing else truly is. Light hits the leaves beautifully, and for a moment he's encased in nature. He speaks out loud.

" I am in a coffin of sheets and paper."

In Sunny's dream, he doesn't know what this means. It might mean nothing, something simply said for the sake of saying. But he has said it now, and there is no going back. His head hurts. Maybe he should take some painkillers, since today wasn't going to be the day he would end it, at least not yet. He was almost certain this would be how he died.

Almost.

In Sunny's dream, it's not morning yet and the house is quiet. It's cold out. It's warmer inside. He pours coffee into a glass cup and sits in the weird greenhouse. It's nice. He relaxes.

Today is another day he made it out alive.

" Words cannot express the gratuity I feel in not collapsing into the oncoming darkness."

Time ticks by.

Another day, perhaps.

But not today.