Secrets Leave Scars [EDITING]

16 - To Kill or Not To Kill

I stare up at the ceiling above me. The bed sheets are cool and soothing. My breathing echoes throughout my empty apartment. If only my mind would be this silent...

So many things run through my mind. Marcus knew I couldn't kill, someone's been researching my alias name, and I'm barely making progress with my actual mission. I knew getting close with Marcus would be difficult, but I didn't expect him to be so confusing. One minute he wants me to stay and dance with him and the next he's choking me. The only bright side is, he told me about the first time he killed someone. That was a personal story so I guess I will count that as progress. Although, tomorrow he'll probably be choking me again, seeing as he knows I can't kill anyone. He got over it because of some sadistic game his father played, but how was I going to get over it? I know I won't be able to do it on my own, but I also know I can't ask for help. The stress of being all alone in my thoughts is enough to make me rethink everything. I have to deal with all of this, plus the fact that my cover could be compromised. The pressure I feel, washes a wave of exhaustion across my body. My mind shuts off and I sleep for the first time in what feels like forever.

***

I arrive in the training room on time for the first time since joining. My stomach sinks when I walk in and see Dimitri sitting in the corner. He scares me far more than Marcus does. Kol is standing nearby, along with Marcus. All three of them look exhausted. I take my usual place in line between Omar and Ivy.

Marcus straightens his back as he walks to face us. "Your training is being cut short because of the situation with Lukin," he announces. "I'll need you all ready much sooner than expected, so today we're going to train you all individually."

Immediately, I wonder if he'll train me. I have to get closer to him and figure out how to get over my stupid conscience. Marcus explains that him, Dimitri, and Kol will each get one recruit and the other two left will join in wherever. I cross my fingers behind my back tightly, praying I'll be put with Marcus.

"Alright," he continues, "Who's coming with me?" I raise my hand eagerly, when I notice no one else has theirs raised. I awkwardly adjust my excitement level and lower my hand a bit.

"Uh- me... I guess," I stutter. I hear Kol let out a stiff chuckle as Marcus nods his head.

"Great, Dimitri and Kol make your choices and let's get started," he orders. I stand back as Dimitri picks out Trinity. Her shoulders hand low as she walks over to him.

"I'll go with Kol," Ivy smirks seductively. She struts over to him, as he attempts to hide the mischievous grin spread across his face.

Axel is paired with Dimitri until just Omar is left standing. I silently hope he'll go with Kol, allowing me to get some alone time with Marcus.

"I choose Marcus," he grunts, walking over. I sigh in annoyance as he examines me up and down.

"Perv," I think to myself, rolling my eyes. Kol and Ivy, however, seem fairly happy with his decision...

We follow Marcus to the corner of the room where he has us sit. "So you want a piece of the boss huh?" Omar whispers in my ear. I look away, pretending not to hear him.

"Omar shut the f*ck up," Marcus growls. "Occupy yourself I need a word with Isobel." Omar angrily rises from his seat and marches towards the bar. My heart beat quickens as Marcus refocuses his attention to me. "Look," he says, taking a deep breath. "You have to get over this."

"Get over what?"

"You have to kill someone," he says. "Just get it over with and then you'll be alright okay?"

I squint my eyes back at him annoyed. "Really? So after your father forced to you kill an innocent man you were able to be the murdering psychopath you are now?" His eyebrows furrow as he inches closer.

"I told you that story to let you know you aren't alone. That doesn't mean you can go shouting about it from the rooftops. These are my men we're surrounded by. I'm their leader and if they think their leader has a conscience, they won't behave so do me a favor and shut the f*ck up," he snarls.

I scoff, crossing my arms around my chest.

"I'm not sharing your secret, so don't go sharing mine," he finishes. I get up angrily.

"It's not a secret," I say, getting closer. "I don't have to kill anyone. Knocking someone out is just as efficient."

"It's not."

"It is."

"It's not," he argues back. I clench my fists in anger.

"It is." He scoffs, rolling his eyes.

"Fine then," he spits. "Knock me out." He steps back, lifting his arms in the air. "Come on then." He walks backwards to a mat on the floor, never breaking eye contact.

I scoff angrily and pull my hair out of my face. I march up to the mat and get in fighting position. "Just remember, I knocked you out before," he smirks.

"Ugh!" I grunt, swinging my arm at him. He dodges it gracefully, the stupid smirk still on his face. I swing again, harder this time.

"If...you...could...shoot a...gun...I'd be...dead...already," he grunts between punches. He grabs my wrist firmly, and twists it, pulling me closer to him. His smirk grows as I get closer. I fan kick his arm, causing him to let go of my wrist.

He lunges forward, swinging his arm towards my stomach. I quickly shift my body and grab his wrist. I place my foot behind him, our torsos intertwining. I lift my free hand to strike when he grabs it. I grunt, trying to break free, but his grip is too strong. Our eyes meet as we regain our breaths. Neither one of our grips release. We have each other pinned in place, too stubborn to let go. Our faces only inches apart, he licks his lips, eyes still locked on mine. I take more deep breaths, attempting to remain focussed on knocking him out. "Not so efficient is it?" He whispers. My eyes wander down to his lips while he speaks. The tension is frustrating.

Omar slowly claps his hands, still waiting from the bar. Marcus releases me, clearing his throat uncomfortably. He straightens his dress shirt and brushes past me roughly.