Secrets Leave Scars [EDITING]

27 - Nightmares

My body jolts awake as I scream uncontrollably. The bedsheets are drenched in sweat and tears. I gasp for air as my heart beats out of my chest.

This is the third night in row that I've dreamed of Link. It wasn't rare for me to have a nightmare about that mission every once in a while... but this was extreme. I hold my hand to my chest as I calm down, reminding myself it's only a nightmare. The thing is, it's really not a nightmare, because it really happened...

I long for peace and quiet. My mind is constantly moving, switching between the different issues in my life. I haven't heard from Shaw or Kia or anyone from the agency in forever, my injuries were barely healing, I was in pain all over, I couldn't sleep without having these nightmares, I'm extremely paranoid, and I killed someone... Again.

Those men tortured me, beat me, abused me. They deserved to die. In that regard, I don't feel guilty. I was just protecting myself. Living as Isobel Pierce, rather than Isobel Diaz, has somewhat changed my point of view. I don't want to be a murderer obviously, and I won't kill unless it's necessary, but still I feel different. Experiencing that torture and fear is scarring, and I won't let it happen again, no matter who I need to kill.

I turn on the shower and strip down. I stink from all the sweating and tears. I sit on the shower floor, letting the water wash me clean. Tears slide down my cheeks, but I pretend it's just the shower water. I refuse to let myself break down.

Fog clouds the bathroom by the time I finish showering. I wrap my body in a towel before leaving the steamy room. My phone is buzzing rapidly and I go to check it. I've been ignoring my calls and texts for the past few days, attempting to give myself space. The lack of sleep wasn't helping my mental health either.

The call is from an unknown number. Although I could recognize that number anywhere. I answer the phone worried. "Shaw?"

"Agent Diaz," a gasp of relief echos through the other end. "We haven't heard from you in weeks, we've been contacting you through radio but we couldn't wait any longer. It's too dangerous to talk from this phone. We'll meet up, coordinates will be sent from your radio."

Just before I can get a word in, the call ends. It was nice to hear his voice even though it was only for a few frantic seconds. I walk over to my closet, and locate the safe. I punch in the code and collect my radio, patiently waiting for the coordinates to come through. I scroll through the other notifications I've missed the past few days, but it's nothing important. No texts from Marcus... I can't help but feel hurt by that, considering it was him who got me captured in the first place, but still I wasn't going to blame him.

***

Shaw sends coordinates to a small coffee shop more than an hour away from the Steele headquarters. It was a smart move, meeting far away, considering I'm supposed to be a mafia recruit and could get shot dead if anyone saw me communicating with an FBI agent.

I spot Shaw glancing down at his watch waiting for me. I walk up behind him, surprising him with a hug. "Isobel it's good to see you," he says, holding his hand over my arm. He turns around to hug me properly, when he stops in his tracks. His face falls as he looks at my injuries.

I shy away, brushing it off as if it's not important. I lean in to continue our greeting but he backs away. "What the h*ll happened to you," he whispers, worry no doubt flooding through his body.

"Surprise!" A voice from behind me announces. I turn around to see Kia. My heart leaps with joy at the sight of my best friend as I wrap her in a warm embrace.

"Kia Moss what are you doing here!?" I squeal eagerly. She releases me from our hug, horror on her face.

"Oh my gosh," she gasps, holding her hand over her mouth as she looks at me.

I sigh deeply, dreading to retell the story of my kidnapping....

***

By the time I'm finished explaining, we've ordered and received our food. I stare back at the terrified faces looking back at me. "It doesn't hurt as bad as it looks," I assure them.

"Gosh Isobel," Kia whispers, holding her head in her hands. "That's insane."

"I know," I reply, lowering my head and stirring my coffee. "All of it has been insane. I've been reaching out for weeks now with no response from you..."

"We've been sending agents, but you're never there when we send them," Shaw speaks up. "We've been working on getting in touch with you for weeks."

I nod, still wondering what was so important that we needed to meet up for.

"How's your mission going though?" Kia asks, taking a sip of her latte. I take a deep breath, unsure of where to start.

"It's been hard," I admit reluctantly. "I'm lonely and-" I pause, deciding to hide the weird connection I felt to Marcus. "I haven't made any progress," I lie through my teeth. I feel guilty lying, but I'm not even sure what's going on yet. They nod, sympathetically before continuing.

"I called you here because we have more information about who's researching your alias," Shaw says. The worry seeps back into my mind as if it never left. I didn't have any more time to sulk around in my apartment, my problems were still out there in the real world. "The searches came from a device inside Skull Bar."

The information wasn't very beneficial, considering I already assumed it was someone from the Steele Cartel. Honestly, I didn't want to think about any of it anymore. "Ok I'll keep a look out for anything," I reply plainly.

They're quickly called back to the bureau, leaving me to my thoughts. I take my leftovers and sit them in the passenger seat of my car. I drive off, back to my lonely apartment where I'll allow myself to sulk for one last day.