My Morphine [Wade Wilson]

[7]

I drove in silence, Fred was driving his hummer behind me with Johnny, Chris sat in the front seat with me. There was this awful tension, but what was I supposed to say? I still had horrible images running through my head, I could barely stop my hands from shaking enough so I didn't crash and destroy my car, or kill Chris in a fiery car accident. I wiped my eyes again. "Wade...what am I going to do now?" I thought, a new rush of tears came to my eyes. The ONE person I thought I had in this world, that I could open up to one hundred percent, just fought me and tried to kill me in my bedroom.

"Blyss?" Chris' soft voice came back to me. "Do you want me to drive?" He asked.

I smiled. "so considerate." i thought to myself trying to smile. "I'm alright Chris." I said shortly. "I just...I don't know. I need to just drive, to think." I said shaking my head.

He sighed. "Everyone goes through break ups." He offered.

I laughed through my tears. "Everyone has a mutant boyfriend that toats two katanas, has fire charming abilities, and just watched him slaughter a tribe of people then tried to kill her in her bedroom?" I asked sarcastically. "Wow, small world huh?" He laughed, trying to allieviate the stress. "I don't mean to snap at you, its not your fault I supposed." I brushed my hair out of my eyes and wiped them again. "We were all just following orders." I said, my blood started boiling again. Thinking about that monster, what he was doing...all to do research? "chris?" I asked. he looked over to me. "Do you know what Stryker was doing research on?"

I could almost feel his body tense, I swear he almost stopped breathing. "He was researching mutants." He said shortly. I waited for him to continue, he got the hint and sighed heavily. "More specifically our DNA. Mixing our DNA." He said.

"Mixing DNA?" I was a little confused. "Like breeding mutants?" I asked.

"Not persay." He said grimly. "Like, starting with a mutant, genetically altering them to be kind of a super weapon." Hy heart could have exploded in my chest. "Don't worry." He said.

"Don't worry?!" I asked still in shock of what he had just told me.

He sighed again. "Hes still a long way from perfecting any of, and wit all of us gone now, he'll be even farther from his goals." He was trying to comfort me, but My mind was still racing. It could have been any of us laying on a slab in a laboratory somewhere in Stryker's facillities.

"So we were all just doing his dirty work because he didn't have the man power?" I asked.

He nodded. "Even if he would have had the man power, he still would have fallen short, he needed a more...inhuman power. Thats why he started this TeamX."

I shook my head. "I don't want to talk about this anymore." I said. "I wanna forget everything thats happen in the last two months alright?" He stayed silent.

"Everything?" He asked.

"please." I paused. "Don't go where I think you're going to go."

"Blyss, Wade left too." He said.

I laughed, i couldn't believe it. "And he thinks thats going to make me forgive him?! Not after what just happened." I said wiping my eyes. " I won't ever be able to look at him the same way again. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interupt the whole team like I did, but this is fucked up." I said in anger.

"And what about James?" He asked suddenly.

I got silent for a moment, remembering what he had whispered to me in the Jet before he took off. "Hes going to start his own life, somewhere new." I paused. "I hope it works for him." I said quietly. The rest of our ride was in silence, I let Chris out where he needed to be, Chris and John wished me the best and we all went our seperate ways. It would be easier for us to hide apart rather than together. I didn't want to see them go, they were my only friends. I would have given anything if they could have stayed, if we could have continued life as roommates like we were, but I knew that wasn't possible. I watched Fred drive off into the dark until he was out of sight, and all of a sudden...I was alone again...

I drove for hours, no paticular place to go. No radio. No talking. No smoking. Just silence, me being left to my own thoughts was a dangerous thing for me right now. I pulled into a parking lot and laid my head against my steering wheel. My breathing gre heavier, I beat my hands off the wheel several times, I know I broke two fingers in the process. I started screaming. I wanted...someone...something...somewhere...just not to be alone. I despised being alone! I laid back in my seat. "Its my fault I'm alone..." I thought. I knew this was going to happen. "If I would have just went with it, I would still have my friends, my training, a place to call home...Wade..." I smashed my fist against the seat. I wanted so badly to not think of him. I couldn't though. Everytime I closed my eyes, I could see us. My heart felt so horrible, I missed him. I know I did, but I didn't want to know it. "Its too late to do anything about it now..." I closed my eyes, took a deep breath...suddenly...I laughed...and laughed, and laughed, and laughed. "I'm losing my fucking mind!" I thought trying to catch my breath. In the coarse of a month, I had found everything I had been wanting. A home, friends that knew what I was, a guy that loved me...and I loved him. It seemed...normal. I lost that normality now. back to being alone, back to being a freak.