The Difference Between Fear and Terror

Untitled Part 28

"Miss Sang, it's time to get up," a soft voice pulls me out of the grasp of sleep. I rub my eyes, trying to figure out who it was. Dr. Setters? I curl up into a ball against the headboard, trying to shake off the nightmare. It felt so real.

"W-what are you d-doing here?" He sits down on the edge of the bed. It is disconcerting waking up to someone you have just recently met.

"Well, I have an appointment with my favorite patient of course." That wasn't really my question, but okay. "Oh."

"How did you sleep?" Well, it was better than last night. "F-fine." I think fine is becoming my most used word. He raises an eyebrow, acknowledging my lie.

"Did you have any nightmares?" I shrug off the question, not wanting to talk. He gets the message. "Not up to talking today?" another shrug. "Okay, that's fine. Could you do me a favor?"

"W-what?" He hands me a notebook. "Can you write?"I'm confused, what does he want me to do? "Wr-write what?" He seems happy that I'm considering it. "Write anything. A diary, your dreams, stories, poetry, whatever you want. Nobody will read it without your permission." I take the book from him, agreeing to it. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I can't believe I just got out of talking by avoiding it. I never thought that would work. I run my hand over the texture cover. There is a peacock that is slightly raised with glitter. The rest of the cover is a pale minty color.

I set it down on the bed and go to the living room to see who is here. Both Mr. Blackbourne and Dr. Green are speaking to Dr. Setters. I stay behind the wall, listening to snippets of conversation.

"She doesn't know how to cope."

"It seemed like she was doing better last night than she was in the hospital."

"Do you think she will ever fully recover?"

"Honestly, I don't think so, and if she does it won't be for a long time. She might learn to hide it better, but it will most likely always be there."

I turn back around and go into the bedroom, shutting the door behind me silently. I flip the lock, not wanting to  deal with people.

It's pointless. I don't want o live like this for the rest of my life. I don't want to live like this at all. 

I flop onto the bed. I don't know what to feel anymore. I just feel numb.

Am I even alive? Life isn't meant to feel like this. Life is supposed to feel.