The Heartbreaker Agreement

Chapter Fourteen: A Thousand Words

My fight with Emily Van Housing covered the internet. Not just one sight, either, every social media that I was involved in held an image, or a video of me hitting Emily. I hadn't even realized that people were talking photos of me during the fight.

Of course everyone that didn't have their own image or video, leapt to talk about what I did and how angry I was; people were calling me possessive and over endearing. On some levels it sucked, but on others...it was completely insane how many people sided with me. People had always called Emily names, but never on the internet and now it's as if my fight with her had started a new reign of putting Emily in her place.

There were people who were rude to me too; people that were saying I shouldn't be with Jaxon to begin with. Some people said that it was cute that was with him; others went as far as to say that I was only with him to sleep around. There were good and bad, but I would have felt better if Sarah was with me and criticizing everyone and saying things back.

Everything in my life has changed; yes, it's been said often, but the minute I swore that I'd be a heartbreaker: the heartbreaker agreement was in motion. I wish that I'd understood the meaning of those words and how they would affect me before I made the finalized decision. I should have asked for a day to think about it, but no. I looked at it as a best friend pact, when really -according to Sarah- it wasn't anything close to a best friend pact.

It felt wrong; it all felt so wrong. The agreement was made in my Jeep, between Sarah and I; it was between us and the idea was to just break Jaxon's heart. It wasn't thought out or anything, it was just supposed to quick and easy but instead I'm sitting and wallowing about it. Our friendship doesn't even exist anymore, that should make the agreement nonexistent. It should be void, yet I'm still working on it.

I'm still trying to break Jaxon's heart and not just because I want to, or because it was a best friend pact, no, it's because I like it. I like being with Jaxon and spending time with him. I like listening to him tell me I'm beautiful. I like his kisses and his touch, and in some messed up way...I like hurting him too.

I like the control that comes from it and the way it sickeningly gives me strength to continue.

But I hate lying to myself.

Jaxon Rhyker is an amazing guy with eyes that are blue, and brown and then blue again. A guy that always makes me smile and knows how to be a gentleman. A guy with a past that I understand; that helps understand his character, which would change the way everyone saw him. He isn't just a boy or a guy anymore to me. He's a man in the making.

***

I lie next to Jaxon on his bed, my body partially on top of his and my legs entangled with his. I was breathing him in and listening to music. He was playing with my hair and leaning his face against my head. I was drawing figures on his chest and he was breathing roughly.

I had an odd sensation of feeling complete; I felt safe and I felt warm. It was strange to be this way with Jaxon but it made me smile. No matter how many bad things I was doing to him, I felt safe from any of it if he was with me.

Jaxon's hand trailed down my spine and back up, causing me to shiver. "What are you thinking about?" He asked me gruffly as I pressed my palm into his black shirt.

"How good it feels to be with you," I said with a smile and Jaxon kissed the top of my head. "It's new to me," I said slowly. "I've never been with a guy," the admittance was like lifting weights off my shoulders and for some reason, I felt secure in telling Jaxon this.

"What do you mean?" Jaxon asked as I looked up at him.

"You're my first boyfriend," I said shyly and he smirked. His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me onto his chest completely. My body pressed against his and his legs tangled with mine, our feet rubbing against each other as I played footsie with him.