Thorns

Chapter Fourteen

"Why?" I asked, drilling my eyes deep into his intense stare, "If you could have killed me by now, why haven't you? We both know you aren't my biggest fan, and I've done nothing but make your life ten times more difficult than it needs to be, so what's stopping you? What's holding you back, my Prince."

Although my voice had been bitter, I was genuinely curious as to why he decided to let me live as long as I had. It wasn't like he had anything to gain from my existence. In his eyes, I was dangerous. I was a threat. I was an awful person who was undeserving of his kindness, his mercy, and the freedom he clutched tightly between his hands.

When Ivan and I had first met, I had been worthy of death-he had made that notion perfectly clear. Yet, for some odd reason, he had left me alive. I knew that Ivan was well aware of the fact that, even if I couldn't see how criminal and iniquitous my existence was, the fact of the matter was still the same. In Ivan's eyes I deserved death, and just because I thought that I had been unrighteously accused didn't mean that Ivan would suddenly think the same. From Ivan's perspective I was the Devil and he was the God, and whatever it was that I believed wouldn't alter that in any way.

Whether I saw it or not, I would always be the Devil to him.

Or so I thought I would be.

If I was being completely honest with myself, I wasn't sure what I was to him anymore. I don't even think that he knew what I was to him-or what he wanted me to be. Sometimes it felt like we were friends, and other times it was as if we were sworn enemies driven apart by the forces of heaven and hell and everything in between. I didn't mind, though. Whether I was his enemy or his friend, I knew that at least part of him cared about my existence. If he didn't, we would still be complete strangers.

Not that I would have minded that either. I rarely thought that I would ever actually be capable of a friendship, or anything that involved me needing to care about someone. Even now, it wasn't Ivan and his family that I hated, it was what they all stood for. My ability made it difficult for me to care, and after my dad died I had found it difficult to maintain any sort of relationship. The bond I had with my father had felt infinite, and it still ended in less than a second.

Usually I would tell myself it was just easier if I didn't care, but I was finding that to be harder and harder to believe as the days went by. Not that my lack of empathy had been a choice. The chaos inside of my mind made it nearly impossible to find any sort of meaningful purpose in this world. It constantly craved destruction and disaccord. It wanted pain. It wanted to watch the world burn in its the eternal flames of darkness.

That's what I wanted too. But, unlike the chaos, I wanted to rebuild the world. I wanted to make it so when I stepped back to look at it, I would be proud of everything that it was. If humans could look at the world they created, they would see they had all become the very monsters that they claimed they would never be. They would see that they had caught the sickness they had released upon the rest of the world.

Ivan inhaled deeply and chewed on the inside of his cheek. Although his hazel eyes still burned inside of mine, his train of thought appeared to be elsewhere.

"Can I show you something?" He finally asked, and when I didn't answer he continued, "I can finish our speech on my own time. It's no use to have you here when we both know it's wasting your time. Either way, the message behind the writing will come out relatively the same. I can just have you read over the script and memorize your parts when I finish."

I blinked, looking at Ivan with wide eyes. For a second, it seemed that my mind had drawn a complete blank. It hadn't lasted long, but it had been enough to catch me a little off guard.

But I doubted Ivan had even noticed.

"I was going to say yes, anyways," I grumbled, standing up, "I could care less about whether or not the speech gets written or not. Finishing it in time has never been, and never will be, a priority of mine. The only reason I came to write with you today was because your brother dragged me here, not because I wanted to be."

I let out an impatient sigh, watching as Ivan slowly pushed himself off the ground, "I figured as much." He said, his body now towering over mine, "Knowing you, I doubt you even enjoyed a second of this. No wait! I changed my mind. I doubt you let yourself enjoy a second of this."

He was right. But I would never admit to that.

"If I hadn't at least enjoyed this a little bit, then why would I willingly agree to spend more time with you?" I retorted, looking up at him. Ivan stood only a few inches away from me, and I had to fight the urge to take a step away from him. Even though Ivan was only a little over a head talker than me, at our current distance apart I had to crane my neck back to look him in the eye.

I felt inferior.

Ivan bit his lip, lazily brushing away a few strands of hair that had fallen loosely across his forehead, "That's what I'm trying to figure out..." He muttered, continuing to gnaw on the bottom corner of his mouth, "I'm guessing you think that whatever it is I'm about to show you will be invaluable to you. I'm not sure exactly how, but I'm assuming you believe you'll be able to utilize whatever information I'm going to provide you with."

Ivan narrowed his eyes at me, as if waiting for me to confirm his current suspicion.

"Maybe." I shrugged, "I guess you'll have to wait and find out." I raised my eyebrows at him, daring him to say anything more. Whether he realized it or not, he wouldn't be getting a reaction out of me. The unimpressed look on my face wasn't even a challenge to maintain. After all, it wasn't like Ivan had uncovered anything of importance.

It wasn't difficult to figure out that I had intentions that rested far beyond the ones the King had assigned to me. It would almost look even more suspicious if I didn't have an alternative motive.

Although, as much as I hated to admit it, Ivan's theory had been correct-not that it mattered in the slightest. I firmly believed that all information regarding the King and his family was useful information. Whether it be the password to the King's vault, or Princess Loki's favorite ice cream flavor, I would find a way to use it in my favor.

However it hadn't been the accuracy behind Ivan's words that had agitated me.

What had really bothered me was that, within only a matter of days, Ivan had managed to get to know me well enough to make vaguely  accurate predictions regarding my entire thought process.

I stood silently, letting my eyes travel anywhere but to the man in front of me. I knew that Ivan resented even the idea of reading my mind, but for some reason part of me was convinced that if I looked at him he would start to dig inside of my head. After another minute or two, Ivan turned around and stepped towards the exit of the ring. He looked over his shoulder at me, waiting for me to follow.

I sighed quietly to myself, relieved that he had been the first to move. If I had backed away from Ivan before he was ready to leave, I would have been handing him some unspoken motion of superiority over me. To Ivan, and to anybody other than myself, it would have seemed like I had been intimidated by him.

I knew that that couldn't have been farther from the truth.

If anything, Ivan should have been the one afraid. Every time my heart beat I was given yet another gracious chance to end him.

He smiled crookedly at me, "I suppose I will, won't I?"

I nodded.

He would.

Assuming he didn't kill me first.