Thorns

Chapter Thirty-One

That night Ivan and I didn't fall asleep until the sun's rosegold rays began peaking over the mountain tops, and the stars began to fade out of the sky. As I allowed my eyes to finally flutter open, I sighed deeply. The previously cool, silk sheets felt sticky against my damp skin. Even without a mirror I could tell my shiny, long hair was matted and beaded with sweat. It felt as if all my sins had been forgiven. If I wanted to die, I would choose to die in this moment. I would die a blissful death, and maybe I'd even make it heaven.

Ha! I smiled to myself. Me? Make it to heaven? It was far too late for me to make it to the pearly gates-if there even were any. If the existence of heaven and hell was real I was sure I'd find myself deep in hell after this body of mine finally expired.

I shut my eyelids once more as scenes of last night replayed over and over again in my mind. My head felt the cleanest it's ever been, though my body felt the complete opposite. Not one thought overwhelmed me, and all the energies were at peace. For once, I wasn't drowning in my ability, rather it was like I was floating through serene waters. I was not worried about the destination the calm waves were pushing me towards, instead I found myself just enjoying the journey.

Ivan wasn't the first man I'd been with in bed, but he certainly was the first one worth noting. He'd set my body on fire and each time the flames would begin to die out he'd reignite them with a single touch. He breathed life into my body over and over again until finally the moment was nothing more than a memory.

Based on the slowed pattern of his breathing, I could tell Ivan was still sleeping. His big arms were draped heavily around my naked body, and even unconscious he had me pulled tightly into his chest. It was strange to me that even in his sleep he seemed afraid of letting me slip away. He wasn't fully faithful in me, and he certainly didn't believe I was completely loyal to him or his cause.

Unfortunately for him, I was all that he had left. I was the only person left for him to hold onto. He was putting his trust in me for the single reason that he had no one else to store it in.

How pathetic of him.

Ivan's warm body moved behind me and I could feel the muscles in his chest twitch against my back, "Good Morning." He mumbled sleepily as he gently touched his lips to the back of my head.
I'd be wrong in saying that that small action didn't surprise me. Why would he still be acting so affectionate the next morning if the only reason he wanted me was because he had nobody else. That logic just didn't make sense to me.

Maybe I'd been mistaken. Maybe he didn't put his trust in me because I was all he had left. Maybe it was because he wanted so badly to believe I was good, even though deep down he knew I wasn't.

"Good Morning?" I asked, "I didn't know you believed good morning's even existed anymore."

"I didn't think I'd have another good morning until I found myself in one." He hummed, somehow managing to pull me even closer to him. This was a strangely peculiar side of him; it was one I'd thought hadn't even existed until I was finally experiencing this part of him for myself.

"Right." my tone was clipped, and I'd hoped he'd taken notice.

He didn't say anything about my attitude, but he did sigh quietly to himself. He traced a finger slowly down my spine as I felt a shift in his energy. He was deep in thought, though he wasn't stressed or conflicted. To me, it just felt like he was dreaming or fantasizing about something he knew was impossible.

"I wish we could stay like this forever, Peachy. I wish time would just stand still for us." He sounded distant, as if he was imagining a new life for him and I. I assumed he was creating some sort of delusion where we were in love and living a simple life where the hardest decision either of us had to make would be 'should we buy red apples or green?'