Thorns

Chapter Twenty-Five

"Ivan-" I hissed, shaking his shoulder gently, "Wake up, we're back at the castle." Several hours after Ivan had fallen asleep in my lap, the driver had finally gotten the 'okay' from the guards to drive back. I figured Ivan would have wanted to wait for the clean-up to be finished before he left, regardless of the fact he had been sleeping. If they needed him, he could have been woken up in seconds, rather than the alternative-which would have been immediately going back, and then finding out they needed Ivan for something an hour or two later and having to drive all the way back.

Ivan groaned, and I felt his head move against my thighs as he craned his neck up at me, "Wha-What time is it?" He mumbled lazily, putting his head back on my legs as he did so. It was like already he was tired of being awake, and had probably figured he might as well quit while he was ahead-for once-and just fall back asleep. He and I were both well aware his little facade wouldnt last long, but I'm sure he was much happier pretending he had the option to give up.

"Around three in the afternoon." I replied as I twisted his hair between my fingers, unable to stop myself from noticing how soft it was, "Why?" I asked, "Do you have some place to be?" I quirked an eyebrow as I looked down at him, and he scowled, shoving himself off of me faster than I had expected him too. My legs were warm from where he'd been, and I couldn't help but feel my heart sink a little as the heat slowly faded.

"I always have some place to be." He grumbled, running a hand through his tangled hair. He'd only been conscious for five minutes and I could already see the stress begin to line his features.

"That's your own fault, King." I snickered, shooting him a patronizing smirk. I flicked my brow at him, as if to draw him into the challenge.

Ivan just rolled his eyes, clearly agitated with my response, "Do you want the job then, Peachy?" He snapped, glowering down at me with raised eyebrows and a smile that was much more passive aggressive than I wanted to tolerate.

But I did, anyways. I tolerated it. I tolerated it for Ivan. I tolerated it because I didn't want to be the reason that even more gasoline was dumped onto the fire of stress inside his mind.

"Not in a million years." A lie, but one that would satisfy him enough to move away from the topic. I didn't want to argue with him, for once. Not for my own sake, but for Ivan's.

"Good." He said, slowly climbing out of the transporter as he pushed open the door, "I wouldn't want this life for you in a million years, either. I would hate to see you like this, Peachy, I mean it." And I knew that he did, at least, he thought that he did. Unfortunately, the ugly truth was that he probably wouldn't even care if I was in his shoes, because if I was in his shoes, he still wouldn't be in mine. He would be off doing whatever he wanted because he could, he would find someone else to lean on because he would have had that option.

Now, though, he didn't have that option. I was familiar, and I was the only "safe" thing that had been left for him to hold when he became King.

"At least you're self aware of how shitty your life is going," I scoffed, tossing my hair over my shoulder. I could taste how bitter the words had sounded in my mouth, and all of the sudden I felt like I had swallowed a cup of lemon juice and vinegar. I didn't even want to see Ivan's reaction, because I knew it would only hurt me. I thought if I kept my eyes away from his face, I could pretend I was still strong enough to remain unbothered by his pain.

Or, maybe I wanted to pretend I finally wasn't strong enough to be unbothered by his pain. Either way, I was too scared of how I would react if I looked at him.

So I didn't.

Instead, I shoved my hands in my pockets and kept my head down, focusing on the snow flurries floating down from the sky and landing elegantly on the ground. I knew I'd meant what I said, I'd meant every word of it. And it was good he was aware of how awful things were for him, and of the toll his life was taking on him. Because if not, he would just end up hurting himself even more. Ivan already pushed himself past his limit, and he was well aware what it was doing to him. I couldn't imagine what he would do to himself if he completely disregarded the state he was in. He wouldn't know how to stop, and he wouldn't be able to perceive his limitations until it was too late.

"You know what," I finally said, "I really do hate seeing you like this, honestly, I do. It's hard to watch you drain the life out of yourself, Ivan, as much as I sometimes want to zap you out of existence, even you don't deserve what you're dealing with right now."

"You mean that?" He whispered, "Peachy..." I watched as all of his worries disappeared from behind his eyes, and his brows furrowed into some combination of warmth, fragility, and disbelief. He looked like he was just waiting for me to break him-like he was waiting for me to tell him I was lying.

"Of course I do,"  I said, taking a step towards him, "of course I do." I put my hand on his arm and gazed up at him, wishing I could do something more to show the sincerity behind my words.

Ivan just stared down at me, and, for some reason, I couldn't move; I couldn't breathe. It was like someone had super glued my feet to the ground, and then shoved fistfuls of cotton down my throat and into my lungs. My jaw unhinged as I met Ivan's gaze, and my breath caught in my throat as I began to wonder if Ivan had ever been shown genuine acts of kindness or affection before. I highly doubted it, considering his fixation on me made me feel like I had just become him his entire world.

I could see the gears grinding behind his eyes as he contemplated his next move. It looked like he was over analyzing his options, and thinking of every possible outcome of every possible choice he could make. He'd made it seem like his entire life was riding on whatever he said or did next.

A minute passes.

Then two.

Three.

Four.

Then suddenly, his arms were around my shoulders and my body was being pulled against his. I wasn't sure how long he hugged me for, but the longer we stood there like that, the less I wanted to ever leave his embrace.

"Thank you," He whispered, and I could feel the muffled vibrations from his chest against my cheek as he spoke.

It was almost comforting.

It was almost too comforting.

"Let's just go inside," I mumbled, pushing my body away from him. I wanted so badly to stay in his arms, but I couldn't let myself. It was too dangerous.

My heart was making me reckless, and I needed to stop it before it got out of control. If I let my heart take over, there was no telling what I would do. My ability would start attaching itself to my emotions, and there would be nothing I could do to restrain it.

Not to mention, if my heart was the one who began to regulate my abilities, there was absolutely nothing stopping Salem from using it.

And if he did that, all hell would break loose.