Note: this is the edited and better version of That's Not Me posted on Exo Feels
Letter
Baekhyun had been waiting for his boyfriend for almost seven hours. Standing in front of Chanyeol's house waiting for him like the patient boyfriend that he was. Not minding the fact that it's freezing cold due to the snow.
They have been together for years now. They met at the university where they both attended. Started of as friends until they realised how they seem to connect about a lot of things. One thing led to another and they became a couple after a year of being closed peers. And for Baekhyun, it was the happiest days of his life.
Like any other couples, the two had their fair share of reckless fights and pointless arguments. It's part of the relationship, but they always make sure that at the end of the day all problems have been resolved.
They spent the first couple of years in simply revelling in the beauty of love they found in the arms of one another. But things started to change... And even if Baekhyun believed in fairytale, he knew the reality that a relationship could only last if they withstand the raging storm.
Chanyeol's been assigned in another place. At first they've been doing fine. Calling him after working hours, texting him whenever he's free, visiting him during his day offs. But day passed by and Chanyeol started missing his calls and texts. He came to visit him less and less.
It made him worry and doubts came into his mind but because he loves Chanyeol so much he reasoned out everything. He tried to convince himself that Chanyeol's just busy and preoccupied with his work. Though deep in his heart, doubts are formed.
What if he is with someone else? What if he meets some girl and falls in love with her?
What ifs flooded his mind and it's what brought him to that fateful day.
"Baekhyun-ah..."
He lifted his gaze and his eyes grew wide. His mouth dropped and tears pooled in his eyes blurring his vision. In front of him was Chanyeol together with an unnamed girl clinging to his arm.
And everything clicked. Yes, he knew this day would come. He knew everything he dreamt of with Chanyeol will never come true. And he knew at that moment the little hope in his heart that he built will come tumbling down.
What they had was an unconventional relationship. They were both men.
"Yeollie~ Ah, I just came here to give these gifts to you. I bought you this coat and a pair of gloves. I heard from the weather forecast that the weather will be really really cold. Use this, okay? Oh, and I also baked you this cake. Your favourite. Hope you like it."
He can't see Chanyeol's reaction because his vision was blurred. His tears were in the verge of falling but he doesn't want that to happen. He bit his lower lip to suppressed the cries he wanted to let go.
"I-I'll g-go now..."
And he walked ahead of them. The tears he tried so hard to prevent from falling fell from his eyes like droplets of water. His heart broke down into millions of pieces and he knew he can never put it back again.
He started to run when he heard Chanyeol calling for his name.
He knew of this day. He knew that one day Chanyeol will find a woman to love. He knew that his fairytale will come to an end. But even if he did, why does this hurt him so much?
"It hurts so much, Yeollie."
Seven weeks passed by in blur and one day Park Chanyeol received a voice message from his friend Kim Jongin.
"Chanyeol-ah, Baekhyun-hyung is gone. It was too late when we found out that he was suffering from a heart disease."
And that was when he realised the mistake he did. He didn't realised that the person who loved him for he is and for what he has is the person whom he chose to hurt by cheating on him.
Tears blurred his vision and he gasped loudly. He fell down on his knees and tears rained his face.
"No..."
But it was too late for regrets. His tears won't bring back the love that he lost.
When he went to Baekhyun's funeral tears started to rain his face again. He cannot stop it no matter how hard he tried. The person who never failed in making him smile and making him feel like he is worth something was now lying on a coffin looking peaceful.
"Chanyeol-ah..."
He turned his head and looked down at Kyungsoo whose been crying for the death of his love.
"He told me to give you this..."
He handed Chanyeol a piece of white paper.
Yeollie,
If you're reading this then it means that I'm gone. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about my condition. I don't want to worry you because I know how busy you are with your work. You have been working hard and I don't want to add more stress by telling my illness.
Anyway, I am writing this letter to ask how you are. Are you happy? With your new lover? I hope you are. All I wanted is for you to be happy. Even if it's not with me as long as you're happy then I am too.
A part of my heart tells me to fight for you but I know I cannot win. From the very beginning I always know that one day you will be off to find a woman whom you will share the rest of your life with. But I didn't know that even knowing it will not lessen the pain I will feel.
And there's this other part of me who keeps on telling me to move on. To just let go and continue my life. To forget about you just like how you are forgetting about me.
But I can't. I can never forget about you. No matter how hurt I have been when you choose to be with another woman. I can still remember clearly the promises you made. The nights we spent together dreaming about our future. The days when we let our feet takes us anywhere. And so that means I'm following the other part of my heart which tells me to fight my love for you.
This is me fighting for our love. I will never forget about you. About us. You may be happy with someone else's side but I promise to continue our love even if it's just me now.
Byun Baekhyun
End.
