that certain boy I meet

My desire to be next to you

After that first kiss and after the beginning of our journey together as a couple, everything took another form around me. I could feel more plenary and relieved. There was something completely different about the way we finally agreed on letting our souls be together after so many months doubting if it was good or not, if it was going to destroy ourselves or, on the contrary, make us finally feel alive just like we never did before. And inside me, even if I was thinking what if, being so young and so little, would be the next step to decay our spirits and crumb our surroundings. But I knew that I always overthink everything, no matter how simple the situation is, my thoughts automatically decide to invade me with fears and insecurities to make me step back and be ashamed of what I did.

But not this time, because I risked myself to reach what I desire, to reach the feeling of being loved and appreciated by someone else, by someone I finally trust. Sometimes we need to risk ourselves to catch what we need for being euphorically happy, to feel our souls comfortable inside our bodies and with our closest one. And so I did, I let him get inside my mind, my thoughts and memories, my emotions and my outskirts, my desire to feel his touch and the way he speaks to me. Hear his eternal memories and his feelings towards me, those which are so indescriptible but amazingly felt by his spirit, his soul, and his thoughts.

How the universe was going to shake due to our desperate wish to not be separated, to let our exterior decide our destiny together. How the stars will definitely have an eternal purpose to shine, to travel around the galaxies, and to die in peace after their years witnessing our connection.

I finally wanted to spend my rays of dawn and sunsets with him, with the person who makes me feel everything and nothing at the same time. Witnessing how the sun comes and goes from our views and lets the moon rise again during those ethereal nights where we feel our physical forms dance around the room, letting our hands and lips act irrationally but with pure feelings.

Travel around the country and the world and visit places we never did before, appreciate every corner and decoration, admire the way different cultures enjoy their lives by dancing, singing, conducting their special traditions. While we stand there watching how unreal everything is, how penny we are compared to the entire universe, and how we manage to not feel sunk in our thoughts every minute by spending our time interacting with other individuals.

Feel that certain childish euphoric emotion when we look outside the window and see ourselves walking towards our house door to spend time together, running to the door lock and opening it before we knock on the door. Hanging out like two individuals who are finally in a relationship after months of thinking about it.

I want to hear him laugh for a million years, comfort him when he needs to, and get hypnotized anytime I meet his eyes. I want to feel that wave of complexity love, indescribable emotions, and hard words to say about how amazingly high he makes me feel. Knowing that no matter the situation, he would run towards me and whisper he would never leave my side, even if the world is crumbling.

I want to be sitting next to him looking outside the window, watching the world cave in due to our destruction. Holding our hands scared and petrified but still knowing that we still are near each other.

I want to spend the rest of the rain running and dancing with him, laughing every time we fall on the ground while the drops run through our faces. I want to dance in the kitchen in the early morning while hearing those old types of vinyl he has collected since his father bought his first one. I want to be laying in the grass during a stargazing and screaming every time one of us catches a shooting star or a planet traveling across the sky, betting how many we would reach depending on our ability to be quick. I want to completely love him, not love the idea of someone finally comforting my loneliness but love his presence next to mine every single second.

I desire to spend hours talking about our lives outside our sharing rooms and how stupid we think some people like to be. I wish to finally do everything I have loved to do since a little child but with someone by my side, holding my hand and looking at my eyes like no one did before him. Ironically smirking when one of us wins a game we were so bad at, looking for the return of the rules we never knew about. And to be laying on the bed not talking but just seeing how our faces are and how our facial features change when we say our nicknames, those special ones.

And I finally have the opportunity to do everything, because at last, I let to challenge myself and finally take pleasure in a person I fell in love with.