that certain boy I meet

Our last dance

- Nathe? -. I asked, shaking due to my anxiety.

- Yes, Bel? -. He asked. He was reading with his head resting on my chest.

- I need you to tell you something -. I said, taking a deep breath and not sounding nervous.

- What's wrong? -. He said while raising his head and with a serious stare.

- There's something that I have to tell you, and please I need you to listen very clearly -.

He left the book, sat on the bed, and looked at me seriously but interested.

- It has been a few since I felt that there was something rounding on my mind alarming me about something I had to fix. Like, there was something deep inside me reminding me about one certain thing to solve until everything messed up -. I began trying to not make it obvious what I was about to say.- It's about all this situation, about Benjamin's condition and us. There's something that the universe is making me decide and then accept the consequences of it. To lose something so I can move on, just like a chess game, lose a piece so you can think about your next step -.

Nathe was playing with his rings and it made me get distracted. He was so beautiful.

- I mean, there's something I have to let go of so I can spend time with the one I desire and grew up together -. I continued, squeezing my hands nervously.- I have to choose between two things so the universe doesn't make me lose everything due to my indecision. And it made me choose between Benjamin and you -.

He sighed and I could see how his expression turned dismal.

- Just listen, please -. I said, trying to make him understand.- I know there's a reason why we met and why we fell in love with each other. I feel that the universe caused our encounters for a reason, to make us get mesmerized by ourselves. Because it wanted us to experience this majestic feeling and witness the consequences of being next to the person you think it's best for you, even when it is. I profoundly know that our time together was part of destiny's plan for us, so we can admire and enjoy life more than we used to. But I think that was just part of our written books, to experience our first time falling in love while being young, admire our company and feel how we were connecting -. 

Nathe didn't say anything, he was carefully listening.

- And, I love you, I really do. But, I feel that our connection causes more like a butterfly effect towards our surroundings, that's maybe why everything it's messed up. Because the universe it's letting us know that we need to move on from each other, because we are too much for the galaxies so it's beginning to crash our lives and end with everything we love, even us -. I continued.- Maybe I sound mad talking about the universe and that astrological stuff, but we are more than just physical forms and our feelings went beyond everything. And, besides, something inside me keeps reminding me that I need to choose between my family and you, and that destroyed me this past week. And if I choose you, Benjamin will drift away like a bird's feather, but if I choose him I would have to let you go -.

- I knew that this was coming, really -. He finally said.- And I knew that something was causing our falling apart, even if we are closer. It's not stupid talking about astrological stuff related to our feelings, because everything it's connected and because everything happens for a reason. And if you have to decide between Ben's health and me, I'd prefer to hear you say your brother. I'm just one person that comes into your life and goes just like childhood friends, that's what's life about. -.

My tears peeked in my eyes and I took Nathe's hand.

- I did in fact choose Ben's health but just because I have to witness how he grows up and hear him laugh until I pass away -. I said to him.- I feel really bad for myself for having to let you go on this way, but it's just as a checkpoint that defines my future with the people I desire to live with. Maybe if I was more selfish, I'd definitely choose you to be happy the rest of our days together but I'm not, unfortunately.  And I know that the universe introduced us together so we can enjoy a little more our youngest years besides to get sunk on our suffering, but I think that marvelous time it's getting to an end and I have to hardly tell what I want to do -.

Nathe took both of my hands and kept staring at me with his green eyes.

- I love you, Nathe, I really do. But I have to ask you to let me go too, we have to go on with our lives and find someone new to delight life with. Even if we don't enjoy it as we did it together -. I got closer and hugged him.- I'm so sorry for having to push you into this situation and for you having to spend so many days inside home tolerating my attacks. And I'm also sorry for asking you to let go of my hand in this way, it profoundly destroys me, but we have to move on from this and continue with our paths -.

- I certainly think you're right, unfortunately -. He agreed, looking down.-  But I'd never stop feeling this affection for you, Bel, because you were the reason for my uncountable smiles. You were the one boosting my desire to wake up every morning, to walk outside the school just to be with you. But I guess that everything was too good for us, and I also think that all this amazing time broke the timeline and unintentionally caused the awful things we lived through during our time together. You know, something happens without us knowing why, but this time we were so perfectly amazing for the world -. He barely smiled.

My tears began to slide across my cheeks.

- I love you, Bel. You don't have any idea how much -. He continued and also let tears fall into the bed sheets.- But if I have to leave you so for Benjamin to get better, as the universe wants, I will. But I promise that we are going to meet once again just as we did last year that morning at school -.

He hugged me strongly and I felt how our souls were having their last dance together. We silently cried on our shoulders and let our stars shine together for the last time.

I opened the door for Nathe so he could come back home until the sun came down. I was destroyed, completely frustrated by the fact we had to disrupt our connection so the timeline doesn't take someone else's life. Everything seemed so unfair. I loved Nathe more than everything I had, but I had to do something in regards to getting Ben back home. I detested the idea of dropping Nathe just like an old childhood toy, but I had to if I wanted my little brother to live his life as he deserved.

Our eyes crossed and I felt those tiny fireworks flying across my surroundings. I was going to miss him so much. But maybe we were going to meet again. 

Nathe gave me a soft and passionate kiss and hugged me strongly as a sign of goodbye.

- I love you, Beau -. I told him with my head sunken on his shoulder after we kissed.- I hope to meet you again -.

He grabbed my shoulders and smiled. 

- We will meet again, Bellerose, I promise -. He said and dropped his hands from my physical. 

As he was stepping back, I could feel how everything was turning less colorful just like before I met him. 

- I love you -. He said, standing on the street and barely waving at me. 

And he walked away.