Before I Forget.

o n e

[jordison]

I woke up drenched in sweat and panting. Another fucking nightmare. I honestly couldn't remember the last time I actually slept through the night. My nights plagued with sickness, anxiety, and memories that continue to haunt me after years. I cant get rid of them, the demons just won't fucking go away.
I sighed to myself pushing what remaining blankets covered my pale, aching body and sulked to the bathroom across the hall. I flicked the light on and slowly shut the door not wanting to wake any of the guys. I looked at myself in the mirror. Disgusting. My long dark hair stuck to my face and the dark purple circles under my eyes almost resemble bruises. I traced the scars that run up and down from my bony wrists to my upper arms.
Some of them are old and faded while others are pink and healing, but most are new at most a couple days old. I hated myself. I was rotten and disgusting inside and out. I opened a bathroom drawer that I had unofficially claimed as mine and shoved some things around until I found what I was looking for. I took the cold silver blade in my hand. 'I deserve this.' I thought. 'I deserve the pain.'
I wanted to feel something, I hated being numb. I let the blade cut deep into my skin, carving into old scars and new ones. My crimson red blood dripped down my arm and onto the white tile beneath my feet. I didn't care as it pooled under me probably staining the floor. 'There's so much blood.' I wondered how long it would take me to bleed out. I felt dizzy and my legs were beginning to fail me. 'This is it. I'm gonna bleed out on the bathroom floor.' I laughed at myself. 'How pathetic.'
My eyes drooped down as I heard someone open the door. "I don't care who's in here, I gotta piss-" Corey. I knew his voice anywhere. My eyes were heavy but I could still see him in my blurred vision. Corey went pale, paler than me. "Oh my god, Joe.." He shuffled over to me fell to his knees. I felt his large warm hands pick my arms up and cover them, trying to stop the blood. It didn't work, my blood still seeped through the cracks between his fingers. Corey screamed for the other guys and moments later they filled the room.
Their eyes were droopy from sleep but once they saw me all of them immediately woke up. I was cold, like all the strength had been drained from my body and was now dripping from the slits in my wrists onto Corey. "What the fuck were you thinking!" I heard Sid scream as he wrapped some towels around my wounds. I looked around the bathroom at my friends faces, they looked sick. 'How the fuck could I be so selfish!' I yelled at myself mentally. "I'm s- so c- cold." I whispered as Corey took my frail body in his arms. He was so warm, so comforting. I felt safe.
I felt. Corey helped me feel. A small smile crept onto my face as I buried it into his chest. "You're gonna be okay." I couldn't hold my eyes open any longer, I knew Corey would take care of me. So I let my eyes shut.