shifting progress book!

important-ish + need a solution

6/24/2021 (i think)

HEEEY SO UHM as you can tell i haven't updated this book much recently. i've made some progress in shifting and stuff but. i recently Stopped. somewhat because there's a lot going on rn, buuuut that's never stopped me before.

it's. mostly because of these nightmares i keep having.

it's really fucking terrifying, actually. like. genuinely making me question reality. they all go along the same script too,

1) something weird/unexplainable happens

2) i ask if it's a dream

3)  my mom smiles and gets blurry and starts yelling a disturbing phrase

and it's making me scared of my mom.. even though she is my best friend like ever. i love her but i can't look at her without being afraid she'll get blurry.

i just woke up from one, actually. here's the copy paste of a discord message where i explained it:

if it's worth mentioning, the dream this time was extra fucked up. i was sitting in bed, same way i am now but my mom was behind me. i had my eyes closed and was trying to sleep when i hallucinated a candle. i opened my eyes, and looked over at my mom. i said i saw a candle and then realized my forehead felt very itchy. i started to touch my forehead, and my mom said. "oh, that's your third eye!" abd i was like "what are you talking about??" and she said "you know your soul left your body, right?" UHHH YEAH SCARY anyways so then i was even more confused, and she started reaching for my foot and said "well, let me scratch your other foot" which was REALLY weird because. 1) why would you want to scratch my foot ???? 2) my OTHER foot? she wasn't scratching any feet before.

so i went "wwwwwait wtf is this a dream?" and then realized. no i shouldn't have said that fucking shit. because she smiiiillled really wide and her face came really close and i coudlnt move and it got really dark and . she went "OOOOOHHHHH???? YOU WAANT ME TO BE FRRIIIIIIIIEEENNNDDDDLLLYYYY?????????????" aaaand i started (trying to) struggling and screaming and woke up.

this was was extra disturbing because of the whole. soul leaving my body thing. it genuinely makes me SCARED. like, what if somethings happening to me?????

usually i'm not THIS weird but. dude like. what if there's something trying to kill me or something?????? i don't fucking know. i'm just scared

almost every time i try to sleep this happens. i'm scared of sleeping !!!!! i try to sleep ina  different position, i try to sleep with different temp and lighting, everything!!!!! that i can!!!!!!!!

i'm absolutely terrified right now. i'm scared this this is a dream or something weird will happen and i'll ask why. i'm genuinely SUPER scared at this point.

i have. not been this scared of something like this since i was like 4.

i never have nightmares like this. never. my nightmares are always few and far between except for the past few days.

now that i think of it, it's probably the reason i've had trouble eating. i've been hungry but just looking at food makes me feel physically sick. i have to force myself to eat because of it. and i just realized that this has been going on since these dreams started? i don't know.

if anyone knows how to stop having these dreams or why i'm having them, please tell me!!!!!! this is seriously scaring me.

i know this is probably clogging up this book but i hoped someone here would know. plus it's slightly related . kiiiind of.

anyways yeah, i really need a solution. or atleast to know if i'm safe or if they're just nightmares. they're all so similar , though. i don't know if they're causing eachother?????? or what. or if it's just my mind playing games with me and trying to make me question myself. i don't know.