Stories For the Damned

Food and Wine pt. 1 (Alcina D.)

You had been a guest at the castle and Alcina's human lover for close to a month now.

Everything was fine so far. You got along with the girls and loved your new life.

But there was one thing that you had just taken notice of and it was starting to irk you.

~~~

You two were seated in the library, you on a chair just across from her, reading a book about nutrition,  just enjoying each other's company when you decided to broach the subject.

"You...do you do...." You sighed trying to think. "How can I say this? Do you drink anything other than wine?"

Alcina looked at you with yet another cup in hand as if you'd just asked her what color the sky was. "No, why would I?"

That made no sense. Well, sort of. "I- what? How are you even alive- I mean- how are you- Don't you drink water?"

"No." She wrinkled her nose in disgust, "I haven't had that in... centuries..."

"And the food, the...the..." You struggled to put a name to the...stuff they ate. Whatever it was, it smelled horrible and looked disgusting. You couldn't stand to eat with her and her daughters.

"You don't want to know," she said abnormally quiet, looking into the glass as she swirled the wine around. You took her word for it.

"Okay...well, I know that whatever it is, it doesn't have the proper nutritional value for a...human...being." She wasn't human, she was a vampire of sorts. "...Have you ever heard of MyPlate?"

Alcina looked down at you with the most confused expression that you've ever seen. "...What?"

"MyPlate. It's basically a general idea of what everyone should eat and how much of each category-"

"-Category...?"

"-But I guess it really depends on your body type, age, weight, and...height. Anyways, the FDA recommends that you get fruits, proteins, grains, vegetables, and dairy each day."

"I don't..."

You thought for a moment, wanting to give her as much information as possible. "If I'm remembering correctly, when aiming for around 2,000 calories a day, a rough estimate of 2 cups of fruits, 2 ½ cups of vegetables, 6 ounces of grains, 5 ½ ounces of protein, and 3 cups of dairy should suffice. Though I learned this many years ago, they might've updated it since then."

You did not notice Alcina's failure to grip onto whatever you were saying.

"-You'd have to keep in mind that at least half of the grains should be whole wheat and if you're lactose intolerant...well..."

"My dear," she cut in, very confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh..." You had forgotten that she was way, way, way older than you and most likely had never even heard of a balanced diet. Not with her subsisting on blood and whatever else she pleased. Maybe you could teach her?

You smiled at the thought of showing her, the almighty Lady of castle Dimitrescu, a balanced diet. "Here," you said, standing and approaching her. You reached for the cup in her hand. "Can I?"

Lady Dimitrescu handed it to you, wondering what on earth you were gonna do.

Swirling the dark liquid around in the cup you got a strong whiff of the iron saturating the drink. "Yeah," you nearly gagged, finding the scent nauseating while she found it mouth watering. "All blood."

"Sanguis Virginis is one of the finest wines in the world, made by balancing only the ripest fruits and premium maidens-"

"Okay, okay I get it." You handed her back the cup to get her to stop. Even the slightest provocation could send her off on a long rant about her 'special wine' sparing no detail of how it was made.