Endosymbiosis

26. Comorbidity

Third circle of the Empire
Pacifia

Doxy was rigid as we walked through the corridors of Pacifia's Palace, following the metriona to her own mother's death. If I'd had a chance to see the one of mine, I don't think I would... But I doubted Doxy was the kind of person who would forgive herself for not knowing something, even if the answers hurt her more than the questions.

I could see from a distance that little wrinkle of worry forming between her eyebrows and all I wanted to do was spare her that feeling... I nudged her with my elbow and a broken smile, managing to soften her expression for a moment, however brief.

"If you want to leave, I know where the Hasta is..." I whispered over her shoulder and she turned to face me, bringing it closer to mine in that secret of ours. I saw in the depths of the honey in her eyes that spark flicker and I almost lost the courage to say: "But I think we should stay." And then she looked away. "You saw what happened when we tried to reach the core by ourselves... Maybe with the revolution we can go further. And, perhaps with them, we can improve the Empire fighting for a more... Solid cause."

I might hate them for using me as a tool so many times, but I couldn't deny how much they'd helped me in the past. And if it was change we needed, I couldn't see it being achieved without them.

"You still don't believe in the danger of the disease, do you? Even after we spoke with the Aulics..."

I thought the pacifists were going to convince her that the best thing for Itopis was the fall of the Aulics, but she seemed to continue to believe that she should trust them to control the Empire. Apparently she was more stubborn than I imagined... Or "determined" as she liked to call it.

But as I stared into the fire behind her honey eyes, I couldn't get angry... I could only dream that one day something like that would light up in me.

"I can't trust them after trying to cook us in a sun oven." And after all the other things they did to me too...

She stopped walking and turned to me, staring at me full of certainty and pain... It was almost as if, without even needing to know her story, I was able to see all the desolation she was trying so desperately to bury and forget... Because, deep down, we were all much sadder than we liked to admit.

"I saw with my own eyes my mother lose her mind for a cure to this disease... And I saw her disappear from my life because of it." Tears formed, but she didn't let them fall down her face. "I don't care if it's the Aulics, the rebels or the pacifists who are in control of this damn galaxy, as long as the disease is destroyed... So that Itopis can become better."

"If that's what you want, then you should care about who is controlling it."

"It doesn't matter who, if they're all sick."

Maybe she was right to believe this was a problem, but I doubted it was the only one. I knew that Empire well enough to know that the Aulics were capable of rotting on their own.

She started to turn around to follow the metriona, but then I touched her arm, asking her not to go yet. There was so much more to say... So much that, before, I would never say, but now I needed to; to show her that there was much more in this Empire than she could have imagined:

"I saw with my own eyes my father being murdered because of the Aulics. And I lost my family because of the Empire we live in today..." She opened her mouth, but no sound could come out. "They're all sick now, Doxy... And there's no medicine to cure this disease."

So I turned around and followed the metriona.