Endosymbiosis

56. Apoptosis

The silence deafened me, worse than the roar of any beast.

But then her voice came back to my mind, rising from depths I didn't know were from the universe or my own mind.

"So much pain..." The Queen hissed. "So much suffering you could spare yourself if you'd let me join you... If you'd let me in." No... I couldn't. I still had the cure, to use on each contaminated and, perhaps at some point, to free the Empire. "Endosymbiosis, Donecea... Once it was the only options for life other than death, and the wise choice chance took is what brought you to me today." My hands were splayed over the bones underneath me. "It's the only way for the Empire to survive... The only mercy."

But I knew we would be inside treir Empire.

At that moment, before I could make any decision, the pore opened... And I finally saw the creatures who would take Itopis for themselves: the Gods of Andromeda.

Their claws, bigger than worlds, wrapped the rip in the space mesh, the black holes of their mouths roaring promises of death to every being in this entire Empire. Before them, Earth was a grain of sand on a beach, by the sea of ​​beasts that lived beyond the pore, now swimming towards us.

My nightmares were becoming real...

But perhaps I could save so many from living it, if I surrendered the cure and my body to the Queen's mercy...

"Doxy." Kadi whispered behind my back and staggered toward me with his last shreds of strength, his expression shifting from fear to the certainty that running away was no longer an option. "There is a way out..."

I let my steps lead me to him as the universe crumbled around us with each roar of the beasts.

"What can we do? The gods of Andromeda are already here, and we would never be able to fight them..." I hated the hopelessness in my voice, but I no longer believed in a tomorrow where we could say we had won. Then Kadi sent a look to the Hasta and I understood a lot more than I wanted to. "No..." He approached me. "No... No. No! You can't!"

"It's okay, Doxy..." He gently cupped my face while I shook my head. "It's okay..." No... "I always ran away, from my handcuffs, from my problems, from you... But today I have to go towards it." No. "But it's okay, Doxy... I shouldn't be here anyways." No!

"Kadi, please..." My voice almost faded, tears blurring his face. "Your life makes a difference... All humans' do!"

He nodded slowly, clean streaks crossing his bone-dusted face where the tears had passed.

"I know that now... And I will make that difference."

I couldn't believe I might not have as much time with him as I once dreamed of eternity; but deep down I knew that even if I had it, it would never be enough. When could I say I was satisfied? When could I lose him without suffering?

Not now. Not yet. Not never.

"I love you." I stumbled over the words, in an attempt to make him realize he couldn't leave when there was so much to stay for. "And even if I had another option, I would choose to love you every day, Kadi..." My hands framed his face. "But I only wanted to tell you this when I was sure I would never lose you..."

"I'm sorry I screwed up your plans... And I'm sorry I can't stay..." He swallowed, opening his heart to me: "I'm broken, Doxy... And I lost a piece of myself along the way that left a void in its place. I thought this emptiness could be filled with the love I fell for you, but no matter how much you filled my silences, nothing would ever be able to reverse my cracks... And there would always be a part of me lost in the past for me to never recover..." He touched my forehead with his. "When I first met you, Doxy, I finally had a reason to stay..." Then stay... "But now that's my reason to go."