Destiny Counts

Shower the bride

Making my way to them was almost like a herculean task for me as my legs were heavy so was my heart still rock solid and my mind filled with clouded emotions. Sucking in a deep breath with every step I take forcing my legs to move I finally got to where I intend to even though the girls had their eyes glued on me,I never lost confidence.

I took my seat in the front turning back to give the girls a reassuring smile which was reciprocated. Halima let out a heavy sigh "aafroo you scared the hell out of us,i thought you won't come but am glad you did girl" she ended in a squiky voice. If only they knew. If only...

The ride back was quiet,terrifyingly calm and anonymously lonely. Eyes closed as I leaned my head on the door,I still remember all the memories I kept hidden, all of the nightmares I ran away from where now running after me.

Why now? Why today?why? Why?" I kept asking myself as hot tears leaked from my eyes. I know I've been ungrateful despite all amount of love I've received from the people around me, I am still hoping for more not just from any one i will never have and that is from a mother,my mother.

At a very young age,I had to be a mother to my two baby twin sisters,lend them my fragile shoulders to weep, puke and burb on. I had to stay up late to nurse them, feed them the warm milk from their feeding bottles,attend to each and every need of theirs despite the hired maid,I still had to do all those things,without help nor a shoulder to lean my confused head on.

I had no shoulder to cry on,no ears heard silent whimpers and there were no arms to hold me when  im scared. I was practically my own mother,father,i was responsible for myself.

Ironically, while growing up if i wasn't tending to the twins then i will be in my friend's house just to watch how their mom scolded them when they go wrong and how they got praises and blessings showered on them when they do well.

Funny to believe but I used to stand in front of my mirror and imitate one of the mothers,i'd praise myself when i need to and scold myself when i feel guilty,i was practically my everything.

My dad was another case on its own ,since my mom passed away, everything in our lives changed. He was never at home as often as he used to be and he never bothered to check up on me or the babies,he was either in his office or he's out of the country, I'm still surprised as to how a man that used to make us breakfast almost every morning would turn drastically into a man we hardly set our eyes on let alone spend some quality time with.

There was no one to stop my step mother from having her way.  Her son on the other hand was and is still very nice. He treats me with respect as his older sister and shows that he cares and concern when need be. With all that was happening i had forced myself into an early maturity state, all that i had is Allah ,friends and now my sisters.

I had to think of something to lighten up the rest of the evening, I can't afford having gloomy faces at my wedding. Like it or not, i have to make it work come what may.

"Come on girls, we have a shower to plan for " their faces immediately lit up to what i said.

"Hell yeah" they screamed and we high five-d.

Planning a bridal shower was harder than I thought, i mean they were supposed to surprise me with the party but here I am sweating in backyard garden putting up some balloons that wont stay put due to the wind that was blowing them in all directions, why is the place so big, I internally whined.